Embracing Singleness | 1 Corinthians 7

Good morning, Watermark. How are we doing? Are we doing okay? Great to see you. Thanks for making time to join us here at the 11:15. My name is Kylen, and we've probably met in this capacity before, but I'm the executive director of The Porch here at Watermark Community Church. We love our young adults, what God is doing here, what God is doing all over. It is the joy of my life to be a part of serving our young adult community.

I'm excited for today. If you've been journeying with us over the course of the last month or so, we've been exploring the realm of romance, and what you know, if TA has set this up with you, is that today we're talking about singleness. That's typically what happens when this topic comes up. There are some mixed reviews in the room.

What always happens when the topic comes up is people want to know, "Is the guy speaking about it single?" I am not, but the guy who wrote the passage we're studying together today, the apostle Paul, is single, so his word, by God's Spirit, is going to be helpful to not just those who are single in the room but to all of us as well. The second thing you should know is all of my ministry experience has been spent around young adults, predominantly those who are single.

Lastly, what you need to know is I didn't presume that I knew everything. Even coming in to prep for this message, I wanted to make sure I had a good pulse on what the current sensitivities of singles are, so I sat down with a group of single adults on our staff to weigh through and check the traps before I began to prep. Even still, we're going to pray for it. Does that sound okay to you? So, let's pray together, and then we'll read God's Word and see what he has to say.

God, thanks for today. Thank you, Lord, that we have the chance to be here now. We don't say that thanks haphazardly; we say it very intentionally, because, God, we believe that in gathering here, we have not just come to sing some songs and read a book, but we have come to worship you and hear you speak, and that changes everything. God, we're praying that it would change us now, that, Lord, as we study your Word, we would not just read the page but the page would read us and that, Lord, we would be different, more like Christ, as a result.

I want to invite you, the way we do every single week, to take a moment and pray for yourself. Ask that God would speak to you this morning. Next, take a moment and pray for the people sitting around you. We believe this is a family moment, so we want to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Pray for them. Ask that God would speak to them as well. Then, if you would, pray for me, if I could so humbly ask that, that God would speak through me, and it would not be my words you remember; it would be his truth you remember.

God, we love you, and we're grateful for this time. Would you use it? Would you open our eyes to see your beauty? We pray in Christ's name, amen.

A few years ago, my wife Brooke and I were traveling to Colorado for a friend's wedding, who was getting married in the city of Lake City. If you know anything about that area, you know it's a four-hour drive by the time you land in Denver. So, we made our way from Dallas to Denver, and when we got there, we quickly made haste to get to the rental car agency, pick up the keys, and hop in the car, because we did not have much time to spare. We wanted to make the journey and make the journey fast.

Yet, being the strong spiritual leader that I am, I stopped before we pulled out, looked at my wife, and said, "Baby, we should pray together, shouldn't we?" And I asked this very specifically. I said, "God, while we drive today, would you make yourself known to us?" So we set off. We turned out of the parking lot and began to drive toward Lake City. One hour passed by. Two hours passed by. Three hours passed by.

We crested over the fourth hour, which meant we surely were getting close at this point, so I checked in with my chief navigational officer. "Brooke, how are we doing? Are we getting close?" She looked back at me, to my horror, and said, "We are still three hours away." "What just happened?! How is it that we are only halfway there? This trip is only supposed to take us four hours, and now it's taking seven hours. What went wrong?"

We were using Apple Maps. That's probably part of the issue. We were frustrated with the entirety of this moment, frustrated by the situation, frustrated with each other, and frustrated with the state of Colorado for even having such a roundabout way of getting to our destination. Our GPS had led us on a road we never, ever wanted to be on, yet it was the exact road God wanted us to be on.

As we were continuing in our journey, about an hour out from our destination, we turned a corner, and we were arrested (not by the police) by a view the likes of which we had never before beheld. It was so beautiful looking out into this field of wildflowers and these crystal lakes, all cascading through thousands of acres at sunset when the sky was painted with watercolor reds and purples and oranges. There was a smattering of beauty everywhere we looked, because we had unknowingly driven into the Rio Grande National Forest.

It occurred to me, while I was soaking in all of this beauty, that God had answered my prayer. He was making himself known to us. It just took the long road to get there. Why do I tell you that? Because in the world of romance, there is seemingly no slower route to the destination of your happiness than singleness, yet, though it is slow, it is also so very scenic. You see, God will lead you the long way, because often the long way is the best way…the best way to see him more clearly and see yourself and your purpose as a result.

Today, I want to unpack this idea of singleness with you. It's important that you know this is not just a topic for the singles in the room. The tendency, if you're married, is to look left and right and identify the people who are not currently sitting with a spouse and say, "I hope you're listening," but this is a moment that we all should be listening, because the topic of singleness matters a great deal to God, and it's extremely relevant in our world.

Singleness is a common reality for every single one of us. Every person is single at some point, whether you're married or have never been married or you have divorced or are widowed. We have all been single before, and you will be single again. While singleness is a common reality for all of us, it is a current reality for many of us.

Pew Research reports that 49 percent of the American public is currently unmarried. They're somewhere within the relationship status identified as single or partnered, but they do not have a ring on it. We also know that outside of the world and within this church, by looking at the data, one-third of our membership… And that's just membership. That's not talking about the general attendance we have every single weekend. One-third of our membership would identify as single. That's roughly 2,000 people in this room.

Why do I tell you that? Because it is imperative for us to know what God says about a subject that is so wildly prevalent in our world and extremely important to our room. God has a lot to say about singleness. He has a lot to say about it to both the single and the married, and what we're going to see is he describes its goodness, that singleness isn't a state of being you're supposed to tolerate and endure. Instead, it's good, which is what the apostle Paul says in the book of 1 Corinthians. If you have a Bible, you can grab it and turn with me to 1 Corinthians, chapter 7.

When you read the book of 1 Corinthians, there's something interesting that happens. It seems like there's no real theological argument over the course of its entirety, because Paul is addressing a variety of different topics through a series of individual essays, yet what he's doing is he is answering the questions the Corinthians have, and he is showing them that every question we have is answered through the gospel.

Chapters 5, 6, and 7 are all about sex and romance. That's the topic of consideration at this point in the letter. So, as Paul gets to chapter 7, he begins to unpack for us marriage and singleness. We'll pick it up in verse 6, because that's really where it starts. He says:

"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Paul just said something really important for our understanding of singleness, and it's that it is desirable, which may feel like a hot take, but he said, "I wish that all were as I myself am." That's a hot take, because that's controversial in the eyes of our culture. You see, culture, the world we live in, would say that sex and marriage are synonymous with a mature and fulfilling life.

Think about it like this. Who is it who lives into that permanent state of "happily ever after"? She who finds her Prince Charming. What do we mean when we say, "You've found your soulmate"? "You must now be complete." Have you ever seen someone where, normally, it would say "Just married" put instead a "Still single" sign on the back of their car and string cans along? No. The reason is because we don't assume that is worthy of celebrating. It's fascinating.

We also call singles unmarrieds, but we don't call marrieds un-singles. The reason is that seems a little bit demeaning. Paul is bucking the trend. He wants to recalibrate our minds and think about singleness in a different way, because in his estimation, singleness is not a second-rate state of being. That's your first point. Singleness is not a second-rate state of being. It's not inferior. It is important. He says that both marriage and singleness are gifts.

Some of you have heard that singleness is a gift, and you're like, "Oh, that Christian cliché." It's not a Christian cliché. It is from the Bible. The apostle Paul said that himself. He says marriage is also a gift, that both of them sit side by side. One is not JV to the other. Singleness is not second-class in comparison. It's not substandard in any way. It's not something you graduate from whenever you decide to finally grow up. That's not the apostle Paul's position at all.

According to Paul, marriage, romantic fulfillment, and sexual experience are not needed to be fully human. The reason we know that is if you are in the room, and you would say, "I'm a Christian, and I follow Jesus," then you have committed your life to following a fully single man. Jesus had no spouse, no biological children, and no sex; yet, though he was fully single, he was fully human.

Singleness is not a second-rate state of being, which is why we have to be careful saying things like, "Are you still single?" Listen. No one is asking, "Are you still married? Are you still employed?" The reason is because you'd punch them in the face. The implication is there's something wrong if you ask that question. Just as there's nothing wrong with being married, and there's nothing wrong with having a job, there's nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it is an equally good alternative.

We need to be careful in saying, "Hey, as soon as you surrender it, I bet God will bring you the right one." Finding a spouse is not the product of reaching some spiritual state of zen. That's not what happens. You don't achieve a spouse. Whenever we say this, though many people are well meaning in this statement, what we're saying is that someone's singleness is their fault, their problem to figure out.

They're either dysfunctional and need to figure that out or they're immature and need to figure that out or there's some discontentment they need to process through. The reality is there are plenty of marrieds in the room even right now who are immature, dysfunctional, and discontent, so that statement cannot be correct.

We need to be careful in saying things like, "God must still be teaching you something." Yes. God is likely teaching singles something through their singleness, but God is also likely teaching you something through your marriage. God never stops teaching us. You don't graduate or grow out of God's tutelage. He wants to continually make you like Christ. I could go on, but here's my point: we have to put some respect on singleness' name. We have not done this, as a church, yet we need to do this, because the apostle Paul is doing exactly that. Both it and marriage are gifts.

As I say that, I know some singles hear that and wonder, "But can I give it back?" Before you reach for the gift receipt, we have to understand what Paul means when he describes singleness as a gift. You see, the word gift in the Greek in this moment is the word charisma, the root of which is the word charis, which also means grace, which means that singleness is a gift of God's grace. It comes from God, and God only, and it is given from his undeserved favor.

Favor is the bedrock of the gift, and when he gives it, because it's from him, it's immediately imbued with value. Here's why that matters. There's a really big difference between someone who gives something to somebody because they have to and somebody who gives something to somebody because they want to.

Some of you have had to bring a gift to the company Christmas party. You didn't go out and spend your hard-earned money on it. What you did is you went wherever it is you keep that regifting pile and grabbed out one of those head scratchers we all have or a candle you hate the smell of, and you decided to take it with you. You didn't even wrap it up. You just dropped it into a gift bag and put some tissue paper on top. No one is blaming you. You had to do that.

If you're giving a gift to someone you care about, what do you do? You put some thought into it. You give some money to it. You take careful time wrapping that gift up, and then you're paying attention. "What are they going to do? How are they going to respond? Oh my gosh! I hope they like it."

For so many of us, when we receive the gift of singleness God has given, our response is a less-than-enthusiastic reaction. "Singleness? Would you look at that. God, you really shouldn't have. No, you really shouldn't have." That's often the reaction. That's not an incredibly unreasonable reaction. Listen to me. Just because Paul calls singleness a gift does not mean singleness is easy.

There are many singles in the room who hear it's a gift and think it means "That must belittle my longing for marriage. I must be sinful because I'm sad about my current state." I just want to dignify a less-than-enthusiastic reaction at the thought of your state of singleness, if that's you, because singleness can be hard, but something can be hard and good at the same time. Just because it's a gift doesn't mean it's bad. "Kylen, how can it be good and it feel so bad?" Well, we have to have a proper understanding of what a gift actually is.

A gift is not given by God to serve you; a gift is given by God to serve others. If you take this idea of gifts given to us from God, what we know is it is given for the common good, not your individual good. There's this wild misconception when it comes to singleness that it's a spiritual superpower reserved for the Navy SEAL singles. They're just going to be impervious to romantic desire. They're never going to want a spouse ever in their life. That's not what Paul is talking about.

When he uses the word gift in this moment, that word charisma… He uses it later in the same letter in 1 Corinthians, chapter 12, and he describes it like this, talking about the entire body of Christ. He says, "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good."

Now, some of you hear that, and you're like, "Okay. I'm a single; that means the gift is for me" or "I'm a married; that means the gift is for me." The gift is for whomever God gives it to, and it is less supernatural and more situational. Depending on your relationship status, that is the gift he has given. Yet, you look at having received the gift of singleness, and you're like, "But I know I'm not supposed to be unmarried. I'm not called to a life of celibacy, Kylen. I know I want to have a family. I want to have children."

I'm not discrediting that, but hear me. If you're single in the room, do not let your desire for marriage then diminish your singleness now. I think, often, we look at singleness as something to be endured. It's a waiting game. We're in queue, a work in process, and we're waiting to be finished. But that's not what the apostle Paul describes it as. In the same passage, he goes on and says in verse 35, "I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

I love it. It's like Paul, being a really good pastor, reads the room. He just dropped some knowledge, and he's like, Okay. Hold on. What's the pulse? They're worried. They're not really receiving this. "I need you to know I say this to your benefit, not to put any restraint on you." Restraint is the idea of tying a noose around someone's neck. "I'm not putting a restraint on you. I'm not trying to put you on a leash or tie you down or suppress your freedom. There's purpose in this."

You see, Paul wants you to know that singleness is anything but purposeless. He says it has a twofold purpose, that the purpose is to promote good order and secure an undivided or undistracted devotion to the Lord. That idea of "to promote good order" is kind of confusing. If you take the words and cross-reference them across the Scripture, you realize Paul uses it later in Corinthians, and he says it's synonymous with being presentable, which I think is helpful.

What does it look like to be presentable in any given moment? Well, it depends on the occasion. If you've ever listened to the Second Date Update on 96.3, what you need to know is that radio segment is textbook for what it looks like to not understand the occasion. Pajamas on the first date? That's unpresentable. Chuck E. Cheese on the first date? That's unpresentable. Bringing your ex on the first date? That is unpresentable. This is a dialogue between people who do not understand the occasion and, thus, are not presenting themselves presentably as a result.

Which raises the question for us…What, then, is the occasion Paul is speaking into? What's the occasion for us? How can we be presentable? We don't understand what Paul is speaking about. Well, he tells us. He jumps back up at verse 29 and says, "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none… For the present form of this world is passing away."

That's not an excuse or a license to divorce. What he's saying is that time is limited. We're all on a shot clock, and that should change the way we live our lives. We have to make our minutes count. When I played football in high school, we would end every single practice the exact same way, and I mean every single practice. We would always end by running our two-minute offense. A two-minute offense is the offense you run in the final two minutes of the game.

The reason we would do this is because so many games are decided in those final few fatal minutes, and our coaches wanted us to be prepared. Here's the thing. If we blew an assignment, if we ran the wrong route, if we incurred a penalty, we would start the entire two-minute offense all over again. We would run it again and again and again and again, because they wanted us to be prepared when the moment mattered most.

Church, listen. We…not just singles, but we, as the body of Christ…are in the final two minutes of our game. Time is of the essence. Christ, praise God, is returning soon, and that should change the way we live. For singles specifically in this moment, that should lead you to promote good order and make yourself presentable, knowing that the time is running out.

"Okay. What do I do then?" Well, that's what Paul says next. He says you should secure an undivided devotion to the Lord. "But, Kylen, are you telling me, then, that I shouldn't worry about getting married?" No. It's okay to worry about getting married, but there are some things worth worrying about more than marriage. Yes, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, but he who finds Christ finds everything. So, you must secure an undivided devotion to the Lord.

Singleness will end, marriage will end, but people go on forever. Jesus has made it very clear. "Your purpose isn't to stand at the altar; your purpose is to know me and make me known." That's what he says in John 6. "It is the will of God that you know me whom he has sent." That's your purpose, and it's why you should secure an undivided devotion.

"But what does that even mean, Kylen? How do I actually do that?" Well, he's not saying you can't be married and be devoted. What he's saying is the minute you introduce an alternative relationship to the equation, things get a little bit more complicated. He says so in verses 32-34. He says, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord."

Which means, if you're single, the things that should get you up in arms and make you anxious are the things of God, not the volleyball league you're playing in on Thursdays, not the trip you're taking later this summer. Those things are good, but they are not most important. We should be anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

"But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband."

Gentlemen, listen to me. Your life is simple as a single man. I remember. I was one. In your shower is one bottle of 3-in-1, body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. On your bed is a pillow, one pillow, and your closet happens to hold your entire wardrobe, and so small is your wardrobe that you can actually walk inside of it and take whatever out you want.

The minute you get married, that all changes. Your shower is going to feel like a minefield. One wrong move, and you will be buried beneath bottles that haven't been touched in months, the likes of which you haven't seen. You don't understand what they exist for. Your bed is going to feel like a problem you have to solve every single morning. It's not waiting for you at the office; it's the minute you get up.

You're going to look at all of the pillows that have to go back on, and you're going to wonder, "Where do they go? Does this one go in front? Does this one go in front? This one is circular. None of the other ones are circular. This one looks like a loaf of bread. I don't know why we have this." Your life is simple right now, but the minute you say "I do," simplicity ends.

Ladies, chances are really good, if you're single in the room, you live with emotionally intelligent creatures, but when you get married, he won't be. You hear the laughter because this is striking a nerve. You know it to be true. Listen. You are going to want to emotionally process, but he doesn't know how to. He doesn't know basic hygiene as of yet. He might still be working that out.

So, you're going to want to talk with him about the problems you had at the office today or you're going to want to process the problem you're having with his mother or you're going to want to talk to him about all of the things he has to do, and do not be surprised when you have to explain it over and over and over and over again.

The reason is he has never had to think about these things. It's not his fault. His life has consisted of "What's for dinner?" and "Do I have enough underwear?" and "Is there a game on tonight?" That's his entire world. Now, let me just say this sidebar. Some men will be like, "See, baby? I told you. Listen to the guy up there. You're going to have to tell me a few times." You need to outgrow that at some point, and she shouldn't be the one to raise you in the process.

Listen. We haven't even talked about kids. Look at some of the young families in here. They fought demons to get here this morning, and I'm not talking about their children. When you have kids, things get hard. I have one. He cannot even crawl, and we have not been to church on time since November.

It's not just that kids will slow you down; it's that they will run your life. I know 40-year-old men, grown men, who are closer to considering dance and cheer as personal hobbies of their own instead of golf and fishing because they spend every single week and weekend at a dance recital or a cheer competition. Your children run your life. Do not mistake it as the other way around.

Now, we're laughing about all this, but I don't want to be mistaken. I'm not complaining about my stage in life. I love being married. I love being a dad. It is the joy of my life to be in this season right now, but it's more complicated. Let me be abundantly clear. I'm not saying it's harder. That is a narrative the church has spun up for a long time when they relate singleness to marriage that is incorrect. It's not that singleness is easier and marriage is harder.

It's not that, singles, you should be doing all the super-spiritual stuff because parents are the ones who are super, super busy or, singles, you're the ones who can't have a hobby because the marrieds are the ones who don't have any. That's not what Paul is saying here. Listen. Singleness is not easier, but it is simpler. Let's call a spade a spade. That's true. This is a stage of life, a moment in time, a chapter of your story, where you have time and resources like you will not have in the future, so make the best use of it.

When I lived in Houston, there was a group of singles within our ministry who believed this thing. There was a lady on staff who was recently widowed, and she seized that as an opportunity to become a serial discipler of other ladies. Her office, her home, and her calendar were revolving doors with people who wanted to learn from her, and she was clearing the space to be able to do so.

There was one young man who was in our ministry, an engineer making good money, yet he decided, after going on a short-term mission trip to Nepal, that he was going to quit his job (not "Pick it up when I get back") and move over to the Himalayas in search of unreached tribal groups, because he could do it right now, not later on.

There was another young lady in our ministry who was sponsoring 15 different Compassion kids, and not just cutting them a check and making sure they were taken care of, but writing them letters, making trips to see them, and spiritually depositing in the lives of people who were not receiving any other kind of deposit at all. These were people who realized, "This season for my singleness is the optimal time…not the only, but the optimal time…to secure an undivided, undistracted devotion to God."

Now, does that mean you're less spiritual if you don't want to be single forever? "But, Kylen, Paul talked about burning with passion in verse 9. The Bible has never meant more to me. I resonate with that, man. I desperately want to be married." Let's see what he says next, because as he keeps going, he's going to clarify for us.

"If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better."

What's Paul's point? Both marriage and singleness are good and right in the eyes of God. It's good to want to be married. Paul, a single, celibate man, has the most exalted view of marriage written in the Scripture in Ephesians, chapter 5. He sees the value in it. He's not discrediting that at all. If you want to be married, that is good.

Let me just say if you aren't married, it's not because God loves you less. It's not because you did something wrong or you're not marriage material. The longings you have for intimacy are good. That's Genesis 2-type stuff. When Adam meets Eve, he says, "At last! One who is like me." That was a brother who was filled with longing. He wanted intimacy. He wanted family.

You're not wrong for it, but I need you to hear me on this. Fulfillment is not found on the altar; fulfillment is found in Christ. The reason we need to know that is it means an unmarried life is not an unfulfilled life. God's vision for singleness is not a life that is void of intimacy and family, those two things which we think will lead us into greater human fulfillment.

Firstly, intimacy is not equal to marital and sexual relationships. The reason we know that is there are plenty of married people who have a lot of sex but know very little intimacy with one another. It means there's another option. There has to be another way to find intimacy. And the Bible isn't secretive about it. It's pretty up front. It makes known that friendship is another path toward intimacy.

"Hold on a second, man. You're saying I'm supposed to be intimate with my buddy Bill? What kind of church is this? Honey, let's get…" That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is we need to update our theology of friendship. What we know, when we study the Scriptures, is that friendship was the relationship David was most known for in that his friendship to Jonathan is what we remember. Not the fact that he was married to, not one, but three different wives. We don't actually remember that as well about David.

What's told of David is he had a kindred spirit to another. Why did he have that with Jonathan? He had it because they shared deep convictions, and thus, those deep convictions led to deep connections to one another. If you think about it, friendship does not exist to satisfy demand; it exists to satisfy desire. So many of your relationships in life are not relationships you get to pick, but friendship is a voluntary agreement.

As much as you'd like to, you don't get to pick your parents or your siblings or your in-laws or your neighbors or your coworkers or your teammates. You don't get to pick those people, but you do get to pick your friends. The reason you pick your friends isn't because you need something from them. No, you need an accountant, you need an attorney, but you want a friend. You want someone to spend time with. It's because in friendship, we find something that matters. We find intimacy.

I love the way Dr. Kent Hughes describes Christian friendship. He essentially says, "A Christian friendship exceeds anything that exists in the world, for such a friendship is founded on a supernatural mutuality of soul." Our souls agree about something, and it's that God matters most, which means if you're single in the room, intimacy is not found in a spouse alone and it is not found through sex alone; it's found in other believers.

So, you don't have to leave churches to find it. You don't have to move cities to find it. You don't have to download a dating app and start swiping left and right until you find that mystical unicorn you've been on the search for. You don't have to do those things. You don't need to serve in specific places. "I'm going to avail myself to more eligible bachelors and bachelorettes." You don't need to worry about that. If you're looking for intimacy, you do not require a spouse; you require Christ. That's how you find biblical intimacy.

As an aside (because, marrieds, I don't want you to think you're off the hook), some of you in here need to take this as a red flag. If you've lost friendship in your marriage, you have lost intimacy as well. It's time to find it and forge it again. It's to date so you can have an intimacy that allows you to enjoy, not just endure the other person.

The second thing you have to know is that just because you're single doesn't mean you don't have a family. Jesus had a very different conception of what family actually is. Jesus says in Mark 10:29-30, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life."

Jesus says something very, very important. He says family is defined along spiritual lines more than biological lines, which could feel like a really controversial take. He said that's true in a different passage earlier in his life. He said, "Who are my mother and brothers? Is it not these who do the will of my Father?" We have to know that Jesus redefines family according to the gospel, and we should as well. So, if you're single, it doesn't mean you'll never have a family.

I remember when I worked in college ministry at Texas A&M University, we had a young lady who grew up in an Islamic family. She came to know Christ, and she knew, "The minute I tell them, they're going to ostracize me. They're going to kick me out. They're never going to speak to me again." Yet here was the amazing thing: she was willing to endure that estrangement from her blood relatives because she knew there was one who shed his blood to make her his relative, to bring her into his family.

The astounding thing was as she walked through that situation…I was there for it…there were new spiritual fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters who came around her, because when she got Christ, she got us. He hasn't just saved you from your sins; he has saved you into his family. He has called you to be a part of this body.

So, if you're a single, you have family. You have meaningful connection, and it's not just in the next life; it's in this life. That's what Jesus says: a hundredfold now. Meaning, single adults don't have to own a square inch of real estate, they don't have to have biological children, and they don't have to call their mom and dad up every single day to feel connected to a family, because they have us.

For Brooke and me, this has looked really simple. In our family, we don't just hang family photos in our home; we hang pictures of our single friends as well. They have a family. We have whole TV shows we only ever watch when a particular single friend is with us, because that's our thing to do together. We've made our home available for them to come over. "Yeah, man. Use the office space or take a nap on the couch. If you need a retreat, a place to get away from your roommates, this can be that place, and we won't expect anything of you."

So, let me ask you, if you're married in the room, what does it look like for you to extend family to the singles in your life? What would it look like to give a trusted single a key to your house? "Oh my gosh! What an invasion of privacy." You said "yes" to Christ, so you said "yes" to this, to opening your home and giving people space.

What that looks like is saying, "Hey, why don't you put a toothbrush in the bathroom. Why don't you put some clothes in the guest bedroom, and I won't even charge you rent for it." That's what Jesus means when he says they'll have lands and they'll have homes. What would it look like to invite a single into your kids' bedtime routine? They may never have biological children, but that doesn't mean they can't enjoy the benefits of biological children, that they can't be there whenever you eat dinner together and clean them up because they make a massive mess.

Then you go to bedtime and read them a story. You talk about their day. You say some prayers with them. Then, you don't just kick them out because they got to be a part of it; you go with them and just… "Now what do we do? Well, we sit down and kind of talk about our day. The kids are asleep. Now we get 15 minutes to ourselves." That's an opportunity for you to invite singles into.

What would it look like for you to not always invite them over to your house but for you to actually go over to their house, to step into their world, to bring dinner to their place, to meet their roommates, to walk their neighborhood, to dignify the fact that they have their own reality and their world doesn't revolve around you. What would this look like? I'll tell you what it looks like. It looks like family. It looks like what Christ has come to give.

You see, singleness is not synonymous with loneliness. Singles need marrieds, and marrieds need singles, not just for an endless supply of babysitting. We need one another because it is through one another we realize what is ultimately fulfilling. It's not "I have an abundance of time; I can do whatever I want" and it's not "I have a people I belong to, and they belong to me." Fulfillment, by way of one another, is shown to be in Christ.

I like the way Sam Allberry says it, who was so helpful in my prep for this topic. He says, "If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency." If marriage shows us the shape, singleness shows us its sufficiency. What he means is in Christ, we see that singleness isn't a second-rate state of being. We know Jesus was not only perfectly single; he was perfectly human, and praise God he was. He lived the perfect life, because we could not live the perfect life on our own.

None of us could measure up in the eyes of God. We had all fallen short in our sin. None of us could be perfectly obedient and present to God a righteous case that we were worthy of relationship with him, yet Jesus, being, yes, a single man, but a perfect man, the God-man, lived in such a way that we could not for our sake.

We see in Christ his sufficiency, that singleness is anything but purposeless, for Christ was never distracted from his devotion to God or distracted in his devotion to you, but he lived perfectly on purpose, which was to ultimately give his life for the sake of your sin. It's your sin, your wrong…those words you can't take back, those places you should never have gone, the deeds you've done that you wish you could undo…whatever regret you feel.

All of that hung him on the cross, yet he decided… He wasn't goaded; he decided to give his life up for your sake because he wants you. He doesn't need you. God doesn't need any of us, but he wants all of us. He wanted us so much that he would lay down his life for the sake of his friends.

We know Christ's sufficiency in that he lived an unmarried life that was not an unfulfilled life, for though Jesus died and rose forth from the grave, he has come to give you not just life but the fullness of life, abundance of life. Fulfillment is not found in the altar, church; fulfillment is found at the cross, for it is there we see one who wanted a right relationship with us before he wanted a right relationship with anyone. Won't we want a right relationship with him in return? Let me pray that you would.

God, thank you for this time, the chance to read your Word, to study it, and to know it's not a dead book, it's not a dormant book, nor are you a dead God or a dormant God. You speak to us, not just to us generally but to us specifically. You have words you want to impart to our lives, because, God, you want more of us.

So, God, we just ask that we would give more of ourselves to you right now, that we would long to get more of God so we would give more of ourselves, whatever we need to give. Some of us need to give our singleness to you, God. We need to realize, "Man, this isn't a burden; in fact, it's a blessing. Yeah, it doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't mean I don't want for marriage, yet, God, you've given this to me now, so I can trust that this is on purpose, that you have a reason for it."

Others of us need to give God our marriage. We need to identify, "Man, this moment is not just about singles; this moment is about me. At one time, I was single, single in my sin, yet Christ came, and he swept me up out of it and saved me to himself, and he has bound me to him in perfect love." God, would we see that all of this is for us, and then would we respond accordingly, as we worship you now? It is in Christ's name we pray, amen.