Ivan and Martha Illarramendi

After countless emotional affairs, a pornography addiction, and eventually falling into infidelity, Ivan and Martha were headed straight for divorce. Hear how God restored and redeemed their marriage.

Ivan & Martha IllarramendiNov 14, 2018

In This Series (316)
David and Cait
Nov 16, 2022Dallas
Wes and Angie Talley
Nov 9, 2022Dallas
Tobin and Christina Miller
Oct 26, 2022Dallas
Michael and Melinda Parisi
Michael Parisi, Melinda ParisiOct 12, 2022Dallas
David and Denise Renken
Sep 28, 2022Dallas
Bobby and Shari Johns
Sep 14, 2022Dallas
John and Debbie Wingfield
Sep 7, 2022Dallas
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Aug 31, 2022Dallas
Todd and Julie Anders
Todd AndersAug 24, 2022Dallas
LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
Aug 3, 2022Dallas
Chris and Katie Sherrod
Jul 27, 2022Dallas
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Kyle & Lucinda ThompsonJul 20, 2022Dallas
Simon and Katrina Saugier
Jul 13, 2022Dallas
Willie and Gigi Hornberger
Jul 6, 2022Dallas
Mark and Julie Nicholson
Jun 22, 2022Dallas
Nate and Michelle Ball
Jun 15, 2022Dallas
Robbie and Teri Vedrenne
May 25, 2022Dallas
Paul and Kelly Rutherford
May 18, 2022Dallas
David and Tara Jensen
May 11, 2022Dallas
John and Jeanie Cox
May 4, 2022Dallas
Steve and Amie Bradley
Apr 27, 2022Dallas
Chris and Michelle Dishman
Apr 20, 2022Dallas
Kevin and Kelly Mainz
Apr 13, 2022Dallas
Jim and Judy Wimberley
Jim & Judy WimberleyApr 6, 2022Dallas
Dean and Tawney Macfarlan
Mar 30, 2022Dallas
Rob and Haley Thomas
Rob and Haley ThomasMar 23, 2022Dallas
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Mar 16, 2022Dallas
David and Lauren Kinney
Mar 9, 2022Dallas
Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Mar 2, 2022Dallas
Martha and Ivan Illarramendi
Feb 16, 2022Dallas
Ryan and Callie Nixon
Ryan & Callie NixonFeb 9, 2022Dallas
Alex and Jen Lesko
Jan 19, 2022Dallas
Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
Jan 12, 2022Dallas
Selena and Michael Thompson
Jan 5, 2022Dallas
Russ and Karen Fleig
Dec 15, 2021Dallas
Phil and Beth Brinkmeyer
Dec 8, 2021Dallas
Leonard and Mandy Bagdanov
Dec 1, 2021Dallas
Glenn and Desiree Newblom
Nov 17, 2021Dallas
Michael and Melinda Parisi
Nov 10, 2021Dallas
Bobby and Shari Johns
Nov 3, 2021Dallas
Brett and Jan Bruster
Oct 20, 2021Dallas
Wes and Angie Talley
Oct 13, 2021Dallas
Mac and Sophie Macfarlan
Oct 6, 2021Dallas
John and Debbie Wingfield
Sep 29, 2021
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Sep 15, 2021Dallas
Nate and Michelle Ball
Sep 8, 2021
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Aug 25, 2021Dallas
Divorce Panel
Jun 23, 2021
Trey and Shera O'Neal
Jun 16, 2021Dallas
LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
Jun 9, 2021Dallas
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Jun 2, 2021Dallas
David and Tara Jensen
May 26, 2021Dallas
Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
May 19, 2021Dallas
Jim and Judy Wimberley
Jim & Judy WimberleyApr 28, 2021
Ivan and Martha Illarramendi
Apr 28, 2021Dallas
Billy and Amanda Porche
Apr 21, 2021Dallas
Steve and Amie Bradley
Apr 14, 2021Dallas
Griffin and Kami Stroope
Apr 7, 2021Dallas
David and Lauren Kinney
Mar 31, 2021Dallas
Rick and Michelle Howard
Mar 24, 2021Dallas
Glenn and Desiree Newblom
Mar 17, 2021Dallas
Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Mar 3, 2021Dallas
David and Tara Jensen
Feb 24, 2021Dallas
Brett and Jan Bruster
Jan 20, 2021Dallas
Bobby and Shari Johns
Jan 13, 2021Dallas
Ryan and Callie Nixon
Aug 28, 2020
Steve and Amie Bradley
Jun 2, 2020
Testimony- Brian and Morgan Buchek
Mar 4, 2020Dallas
Testimony - David & Tara Jensen
Mar 2, 2020Plano
Blended Family Panel
Feb 26, 2020Dallas
Testimony - Greg & Jennifer Sutherland
Feb 24, 2020Plano
Testimony - Jacob & April Neely
Feb 17, 2020Plano
Troy and Julia Bussmeir
Feb 7, 2020
Russ and Katie Moyer
Feb 7, 2020
Nick and Rachel Klein
Feb 7, 2020
Mike and Shelly Ahlemeier
Feb 7, 2020
Matt and Andrea Walker
Feb 7, 2020
Luis and Kaylee Caceres
Feb 7, 2020
Graham and Stacey Robbins
Feb 7, 2020
Andy and Jenny Marsh
Feb 7, 2020
Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
Feb 5, 2020Dallas
Griffin and Kami Stroope Testimony
Jan 22, 2020
Testimony
Jan 8, 2020
Divorce Panel
Brett Bruster, Bobby Johns, Alissa MauldinNov 20, 2019
Testimony
LaDale & Cynthia BuggsNov 13, 2019
Testimony
Nov 6, 2019
Testimony- Glenn and Desiree Newblom
Oct 23, 2019
Michael and Selena Thompson
Oct 21, 2019
Testimony- Greg and Emily Goodin
Oct 16, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Sep 18, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Sep 11, 2019
Brandon and Brittani Travelstead
Sep 7, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Shane & Alissa MauldinAug 28, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Ryan & Callie Nixon, John & Pam McGeeAug 21, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Dru & Amanda GuillotAug 14, 2019Plano
Martin and Lenore Gao
Jul 24, 2019Dallas
Testimony - Shera and Trey O’Neal
Jul 10, 2019Dallas
John and Debbie Wingfield
Jun 12, 2019
Alex and Jen Lesko
Jun 12, 2019
Tim and Kalyn Gereg
Jun 5, 2019
Jimmy and Michelle Comeaux
May 29, 2019
Raeul and Susan Cox
May 15, 2019
Jason and Mandy Castro
May 15, 2019
David and Robin Howard
May 15, 2019
Ivan and Martha Illarramendi
May 1, 2019
Robert and Linda Green
Robert and Linda GreenApr 10, 2019
LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
Apr 10, 2019
Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Apr 3, 2019
Billy and Amanda Porche
Mar 27, 2019
Brett and Jan Bruster
Brett & Jan BrusterMar 13, 2019
Greg and Emily Goodin
Mar 6, 2019
Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles & Karen BundrenFeb 6, 2019
Testimony
Nate & Michelle BallJan 30, 2019
Testimony - Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
Jared & Leigh Anne SullivanJan 23, 2019
Bobby and Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsJan 9, 2019
Testimony - LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
LaDale & Cynthia BuggsDec 5, 2018
Re|Engage Spanish Night Testimony - Manuel & Elvia Lemus
Nov 14, 2018
Re|Engage Spanish Night Testimony - Ivan & Martha Illarramendi
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiNov 14, 2018
Ivan and Martha Illarramendi
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiNov 14, 2018
Testimony - Alex and Jen Lesko
Nov 7, 2018
Testimony - Raeul and Susan Cox
Raeul & Susan CoxOct 31, 2018
Simon and Katrina Saugier
Katrina Saugier, Simon SaugierOct 10, 2018
David and Denise Renken
David & Denise RenkenSep 10, 2018Plano
Testimony - Robert & Linda Green
Robert and Linda GreenSep 5, 2018
Testimony - Martin and Lenore Gao
Aug 29, 2018
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Aug 22, 2018
Testimony - Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Aug 15, 2018
Testimony - Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles Bundren, Karen Bundren, Charles & Karen BundrenAug 1, 2018
Testimony - Bobby & Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsJul 18, 2018
Testimony - Ivan & Martha
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiJun 27, 2018
Testimony - Tim & Kalyn Gereg
Jun 20, 2018
Greg & Tonya Gilmer
Greg & Tonya GilmerMay 30, 2018
Testimony - Ryan & Callie Nixon
Ryan & Callie NixonMay 23, 2018
Paul and Kelly Rutherford
Paul & Kelly RutherfordMay 9, 2018
Nate and Michelle Ball
Nate & Michelle BallMay 2, 2018
Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Kevin & Kelly MainzApr 18, 2018
Testimony - Greg and Emily Goodin
Greg Goodin, Emily GoodinMar 28, 2018
Testimony - John and Debbie Wingfield
John Wingfield, Debbie WingfieldMar 14, 2018
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
Shane & Alissa MauldinFeb 28, 2018
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Brett & Chrisey BillmanFeb 21, 2018
Todd and Alex Wagner
Todd & Alex WagnerFeb 7, 2018
Teaching - Community
Scott CoyJan 24, 2018
Teaching- Completion
John & Pam McGeeDec 6, 2017
Testimony - Markus & Mary Kay Jabek
Markus & Mary Kay JabekNov 29, 2017
Testimony - Dave & Denise Renken
Dave & Denise RenkenNov 15, 2017
Robert and Liz White
Robert & Liz WhiteNov 8, 2017
Testimony- John and Pam McGee
John & Pam McGeeNov 1, 2017
Testimony- Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles & Karen BundrenOct 25, 2017
Testimony - John & Debbie Wingfield
John & Debbie WingfieldOct 18, 2017
Testimony - Greg & Tonya Gilmer
Greg & Tonya GilmerOct 11, 2017
Testimony - Ryan & Callie Nixon
Ryan & Callie NixonSep 20, 2017
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Kyle & Lucinda ThompsonSep 13, 2017
Testimony - Jared & Leigh Anne Sullivan
Jared & Leigh Anne SullivanAug 30, 2017
Testimony - Bobby & Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsAug 23, 2017
John Paul and Rena
Aug 16, 2017
Testimony - Paul & Kelly Rutherford
Paul and Kelly RutherfordJul 26, 2017
Trey and Shera O'Neal
Trey O'Neal , Shera O'NealJul 19, 2017
Testimony - Kevin & Kelli Mainz
Kelli Mainz, Kevin MainzJul 12, 2017
Erick and Gina Frank
Jun 28, 2017
Martin & Lenore Gao Testimony
May 31, 2017
Tyler and Jenny O'Neal
May 24, 2017
Mark and Kathy Thomas
May 17, 2017
Peter and Eleanor Boynton
May 10, 2017
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
May 3, 2017
Eric and Catherine Couch
Eric Couch, Catherine CouchApr 19, 2017
Bill and Ann Daly
Mar 29, 2017
Testimony - LaDale & Cynthia Buggs
Mar 22, 2017
Testimony - Nate & Michelle Ball
Nate Ball, Michelle Ball Mar 15, 2017
Michael and Stefanie Santiago
Mar 6, 2017
Steve and Natalie Hamm
Re|EngageFeb 20, 2017
Testimony - Brett & Chrisey Billman
Brett Billman, Chrisey BillmanFeb 15, 2017
Chris and Charece Robbins
Feb 8, 2017
Testimony - Charles & Karen Bundren
Feb 1, 2017
Klein and Holly Swannie
Jan 18, 2017
Dean and Tawney Macfarlan
Jan 11, 2017
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Dec 21, 2016
Testimony - Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Nov 30, 2016
Testimony - Robert & Liz White
Liz White, Robert White Nov 9, 2016
Testimony - John & Debbie Wingfield
Oct 26, 2016
Testimony - Mark & Kathy Thomas
Oct 12, 2016
Testimony - Bobby and Shari Johns
Oct 5, 2016
Testimony - Simon & Katrina Saugier
Simon Saugier, Katrina SaugierSep 28, 2016
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
Shane Mauldin, Alissa MauldinSep 21, 2016
Teaching - The Importance of Fun in Marriage
John & Pam McGeeSep 14, 2016
Testimony
Paul and Kelly RutherfordAug 24, 2016
Teaching - Sexual Intimacy
Robert and Linda GreenAug 17, 2016
Rick and Michele Howard
Re|EngageAug 10, 2016
Scott and Laura DeBow
Re|EngageJul 27, 2016
Zech and Kim Lumpkin
Re|EngageJul 20, 2016
Tyler and Jenny O'Neal Testimony
Re|EngageJul 13, 2016
Scott and Kristen Kedersha
Re|EngageJun 22, 2016
Bill and Ann Daly
Re|EngageJun 15, 2016
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageJun 8, 2016
Newly and Karen Spikes
Jun 2, 2016
Jon and Kathy Flaming
Re|EngageMay 11, 2016
Brett and Jan Bruster
Re|EngageApr 27, 2016
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageApr 20, 2016
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Re|EngageApr 13, 2016
Chris and Charece Robbins
Re|EngageMar 23, 2016
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Re|EngageMar 9, 2016
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageMar 2, 2016
Derek and Stacy Braziel
Re|EngageFeb 17, 2016
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageFeb 3, 2016
Adam and Brooke Fish
Re|EngageJan 27, 2016
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Re|EngageJan 13, 2016
Everett and Emily Alexander
Re|EngageJan 6, 2016
Mark and Kathy Thomas
Re|EngageDec 16, 2015
Divorce Panel
Re|EngageDec 9, 2015
Matt and Amy Levy
Re|EngageNov 18, 2015
Robert and Liz White
Re|EngageNov 4, 2015
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson
Re|EngageOct 21, 2015
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageOct 7, 2015
Chris and Charece Robbins
Re|EngageSep 30, 2015
Dru and Amanda Guillot
Re|EngageSep 23, 2015
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageSep 16, 2015
Warren and Angie Wright
Re|EngageSep 9, 2015
Derek and Stacy Braziel
Re|EngageSep 2, 2015
Chris and Dana Adamson
Re|EngageJul 10, 2015
Jeremy and Mindi Patty
Re|EngageJul 8, 2015
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageJun 17, 2015
Jim and Judy Wimberley
Re|EngageJun 3, 2015
Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Re|EngageMay 20, 2015
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Re|EngageMay 11, 2015
Jason and Mandy Castro
Re|EngageMay 6, 2015
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Re|EngageApr 29, 2015
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageApr 22, 2015
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageApr 1, 2015
Raeul and Susan Cox
Re|EngageMar 18, 2015
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageFeb 25, 2015
John and Meredith Hall
Re|EngageFeb 18, 2015
Ryan and Callie Nixon
Re|EngageFeb 11, 2015
Adam and Brooke Fish
Re|EngageJan 28, 2015
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Re|EngageJan 14, 2015
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageDec 3, 2014
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageDec 3, 2014
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Greg Gilmer, Re|Engage, Tanya GilmerNov 19, 2014
Robert and Liz White
Re|EngageNov 12, 2014
A.C. and Debi Ndindjock
Re|EngageNov 5, 2014
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Re|EngageOct 22, 2014
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageOct 15, 2014
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson
Re|EngageOct 13, 2014
Bill and Kathryn Buntyn
Re|EngageOct 1, 2014
Nate and Teresa Graybill
Re|EngageSep 24, 2014
Robert and Lou Ann McMillen
Re|EngageSep 17, 2014
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageSep 17, 2014
Kirk and Cathy McJunkin
Re|EngageAug 27, 2014
Adam and Jackie Tarnow - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 13, 2014
Kyle and Lucina Thompson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 30, 2014
Joey and Christian Rider - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 2, 2014
Jason and Mandy Castro - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 25, 2014
Jeff and Martha Sharrock - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 18, 2014
Scott and Kristen Kedersha - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 11, 2014
Zech and Kim Lumpkin - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 4, 2014
Chris and Charece Robbins - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 7, 2014
Robert and Linda Green
Re|EngageApr 30, 2014
Everett and Emily Alexander - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 23, 2014
Bobby and Shari Johns - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 16, 2014
Neal and Ann Holford - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 9, 2014
Les and Desi Brown - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 26, 2014
Simon and Katrina Saugier - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 22, 2014
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 15, 2014
Chris and Dana Adamson - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 8, 2014
Rick and Michele Howard - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 18, 2013
Divorce Panel - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 11, 2013
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 20, 2013
Dee and Roddy Elliott - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 13, 2013
Mike and Laura Labunski
Re|EngageNov 6, 2013
Robert and Liz White - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 30, 2013
Eddy and Rachel Badrina - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 23, 2013
Shane and Alissa Mauldin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 16, 2013
David and Denise Renken - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 9, 2013
Reid and Jenny Griffin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 25, 2013
A.C. and Debi Ndindjock - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 18, 2013
Joey and Christian Rider - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 11, 2013
Scott and Kristen Kedersha
Re|EngageAug 7, 2013
Jeff and Martha Sharrock
Re|EngageJul 31, 2013
Neal and Ann Holford - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 29, 2013
Wes and Brandy Butler - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 3, 2013
Andy and Jennifer Bailey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 27, 2013
Lance and Mandy Sisco - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 16, 2013
Leonard and Mandy Bagdanov - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 19, 2012
Blake and Rebecca Holmes - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 10, 2012
Chris and Dana - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 8, 2012
Catherine and Tom - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 25, 2012
Angie and Warren Wright - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 28, 2012
Teri and Robbie Vedrenne - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 21, 2012
Tawney and Dean Macfarlan - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 14, 2012
Brooke and Adam Fish - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 29, 2012
Judy and Jim Wimberly - Re|Engage Testiomony
Re|EngageFeb 22, 2012
Kim and Zech Lumpkin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 8, 2012
Mary and Ted Randall - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 11, 2012
Susan and Raeul - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 21, 2011
Katie and Brandon Lokey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 14, 2011
Mindi and Jeremy - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 30, 2011
Lisbeth and Hil Bowman - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 19, 2011
Meredith and John Hall - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 28, 2011
Tanna and Rick - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 14, 2011
Cathy and Kirk McJunkin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 24, 2011
Crystal and Anthony Obey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 27, 2011
Rachel and Eddy
Re|EngageJun 29, 2011
Lucina and Kyle Thompson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 22, 2011
Adam and Aleks Stewart - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 15, 2011
Linda and John Berry - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 25, 2011
Lora and Jeff Strese - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 11, 2011
Julie and Todd Anders - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 27, 2011
Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 20, 2011
Jackie and Adam Tarnow - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 23, 2011
Ann and Matt Piper - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 16, 2011
Cindy and Mike Homsher - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 3, 2010
Julie and Scott Sedberry - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 13, 2010
Rebecca and Chip Dickens - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 25, 2010
Missy and David Leventhal - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 18, 2010
Carrie and Troy Patterson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 30, 2010
Sheri and Brett Johnston - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 19, 2010
Tanna and Rick Wisner - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 12, 2010
Anna and Kavon Moradi - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 24, 2010

In This Series (373)

Ivan Good evening, my name is Ivan Illarramendi and this is my wife Martha. It is a pleasure to be with you this evening and share our story. We hope it encourages you.

I was born in El Paso, TX, I am the oldest of three boys and two girls. I grew up in a Christian home and trusted in Christ during my teenage years. I recall the enjoyment of being involved in church ministries and events growing up. I figured this would balance out all the wrong I was doing with some good works. My early life was heavily influenced by my parents, I saw the importance of working hard and being dedicated to Christ. My father taught me to put God first in everything I do, while my mom would always emphasize the importance of having faith in God. Even so, I was distant from God. My self-worth was determined by my relationships with girls and this led to inappropriate relationships as I entered adulthood. I struggled with anger, selfishness, and lust through my teenage years. When I found the courage to confess these sins to a youth leader, I was criticized and made an example of, which left me feeling alone and angry towards those around me. People that cared for me shared that Christ died for my sins and that all was forgiven. Although I would nod my head and agree with what they were saying, I felt that I needed to DO something to work my way to forgiveness and grace. I am reminded of Truth in Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Martha I was also born in El Paso and I am the oldest of three girls. I remember trusting in Christ at an early age but wasn't fully aware of what that meant. Growing up I was in a loving, playful home. I did, however, learn about the harsh realities of this world at an early age. I was molested by two family members on two separate occasions which left me sad and lonely. Because of fear I never told anyone. I never thought this would affect me, but boy was I wrong. The side effects of what had happened to me didn't really become clear until I was in Jr high and high school. I started to look for affirmation and worth in other people and in inappropriate relationships with boys in high school. Suicidal thoughts ran heavily through my mind and it was only by God’s grace and my parents staying strong in prayer for me that I never had the courage to act on it. I acquired an ability to pretend like nothing was wrong and smile as I masked the pain. While this part of my life was kept secret, I served in church and lived a double life for several years.

Ivan We met when we were teenagers. She won my heart when she knocked herself out doing a cartwheel to impress me. I felt I had it altogether, I had graduated with high accolades and was now in college. I was on my way to getting married and I had a great job. I didn't realize that during this time I was a slave to my own doctrine, and my sin. I stepped into marriage carrying a lot of baggage. It was a full-time job making people believe that I was not a broken person. My wife had no idea who I really was, and I figured she’d be better off not really knowing. I had issues with pornography, lust, and selfishness, but I refused to let my wife in on that part of my life. I used my job as a way to satisfy my ego and focused my efforts into being successful, rather than pursuing Christ and my wife. I had several friends and my wife around me, yet I sought isolation and was not actively seeking any relationship with Christ. This left me without accountability and feeling unfulfilled in everything I did. Adding kids to the mix gave me an opportunity to hide behind a new responsibility. I figured having kids, much like getting married, would change me into a better person. Looking back, I realize that my circumstances did not need to change, I needed to change. I went through the motions of being a dad, a husband, and a church goer often convincing myself that I wasn’t that bad of a person.

Proverbs 18:1 reminds us “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”

Martha It was love at first sight! He was good looking, smart, and was involved in church. I thought, what else could a girl ask for? We got to know each other more as he tried to set me up with one of his friends. We soon began dating and our relationship escalated quickly and became physical. Without realizing, my world began to revolve around just one boy, and he became my salvation instead of God. As time passed things just kept getting more and more out of hand. I decided to leave home as soon as I finished high school to be with Ivan and thought I could handle anything that came my way. After spending almost, a whole year away from home, Ivan and I decided that we should try to go back to doing things right. I moved back home, and we were married Sept 23, 2007. (we celebrate 11 years this Sept!)

I started our marriage fully committed and in love with what I thought was a heaven-sent situation! The man I had fallen in love with since I was 15 was actually my husband and as far as I could see he was the perfect image of a man! I walked in believing that this new chapter of my life was going to be the salvation and the answer I was looking for. I told myself I was a great person. I loved my husband. I loved to go to church and that I was completely normal but who was I kidding? Inside I was dying little by little walking away from the Lord one day at a time. While Ivan kept to himself, my wanting his full attention, my self-esteem, my jealousy, my depression and discipline issues followed me and became my identity. Exodus 20:3 says “You shall have no other gods before Me” and that is the opposite of what I had done, I had made Ivan, my issues and soon my kids my gods and idols. I would run to them when I felt lost instead of running to the one, I know now to be my true Savior. With time I got to see what an incorrect view I had about my husband and myself. I started to notice that Ivan looked for other women's attention so much so that it would happen in front of me, but to avoid a fight I would look the other way or just tell myself it was my jealousy taking over. This behavior gave fuel to the flame of my jealousy. It was like feeding the green monster until it became Hulk. Our marriage became more and more tense and our fights about women and my passivity became like a mini civil war.

Ivan My job relocated our family to Dallas. My relationship with Martha only got worse as we grew further apart. Her focus became our kids and my focus remained on me. I was a man after my own heart, seeking opportunities to feed my own inclinations. My wife and I had ongoing discussions about my desire to gain attention from other women, and even though she was right, I always denied these accusations and fought to maintain a clean reputation with her. Things continued to get worse as I continued emotional affairs at work. My actions would drown the voice of conviction in my life and I would end up going to bed feeling ashamed and defeated. As a husband, I wasn’t connected to my wife and felt that at some point the truth would come to light and our marriage would not survive it. Martha insisted that we find a church that we could attend regularly. We found Watermark and began coming to church every Sunday. As I listened to the messages each week, an internal struggle began. I needed to get help but how or from whom? Proverbs 27:17 reminds us “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Martha We kept attending church for appearances, but there was no true relationship with the Lord. We were living a life pretending everything was fine when in reality we were both falling apart. The two-faced life was exhausting for me. All I could think of was how can I get out of this? Divorce, suicide, and even just picking up and disappearing passed through my mind but the Lord was gracious in showing us a glimpse of hope. The Lord blessed us with two little ones and one on the way as we were being relocated to Dallas. Our marriage was still falling apart, and my lack of motivation and low self-esteem had become more and more apparent to everyone. I started believing my own lies, that everything was ok, that all we needed was help with our communication. We found Watermark through a friend and within 9 months of attending I heard about re|engage. We decided to start a new journey and I was excited to move towards God once again. I walked through the doors on Wednesday night looking forward to what God had in store for us.

Ivan As I continued to let my guard down, I began an inappropriate relationship with a woman at work. The relationship quickly escalated which led to an affair with this person. I couldn’t believe who I had become, how far I had drifted from Christ, and how I no longer had an ounce of conviction to do what was right. I asked God for forgiveness and to give me an opportunity to redeem myself and experience His grace. I prayed that He would protect my wife’s heart during these times because the worst was about to come. My prayers were answered rather quickly, as Martha pointed out the re|engage program at Watermark. Jeremiah 29:12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. I thanked God for providing the perfect platform to be open and honest with her. During the first few weeks in our re|engage closed group, I told her everything about me, including the affair. I confessed who I really was and my aspiration to be forgiven. I remember thinking during these times, “It’s going to be world war III. re|engage is about to turn into Re|Enrage!”. However, this didn’t happen. I always knew the truth would come out, but I never imagined it would be met with grace.

Martha We started closed group and everything was looking bright until week 4. As you can imagine my feeling of a new start was short lived when Ivan confessed everything, about the affair with this woman from work, about the addiction he had had to pornography, him actually admitting to me about the multiple emotional affairs he had had throughout our marriage and much more. It came as a shock to me. I knew he flirted with women and he liked being the center of attention, but I didn't expect this. All I knew in that moment is all my insecurities were magnified and the pedestal I had him on was falling hard. I felt alone, very unsure of the future and honestly stupid for not knowing what was going on but God’s grace was with me. I felt an uncontrollable peace come over me that I had not felt before. I knew God was in the midst of this, even if it was painful and chaotic. His love for me and my marriage was being shaped in a way that only He could do. As we came through re|engage I was reminded of who my true Savior is. I learned that for there to be a true change I needed to draw a circle around myself and change the person inside the circle. Having a wonderful group of women around to remind me of biblical truth was more than I could have ever asked for. They told me the Lord would get me through this, and that His love for me was so great that no matter what had happened He was going to see us through it. Lamentations 3: 22-23 says: “Because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Waking up every day remembering that it’s because of His faithfulness that we have a fresh new start is what got me through.

Isaiah 40:31 says “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” The woman I had once been that had to pretend like everything was ok and that was tired of living two different lives was gone. I am now relying on the Lord to be my strength, that no matter what comes my way I am not alone, He is with me. I learned what it is to have a true relationship with the Lord.

Ivan Martha was beyond understanding and although she was extremely hurt, she forgave me and allowed me an opportunity to love her the way God intended. 1 Timothy 2:7 “For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but that of power and love”. I no longer cowered behind my sin but now had the strength to confess, repent and accept His grace. Our community played a big role in helping us get through this, and for the first time we saw hope in moving forward. Our marriage continues to have its struggles. Martha and I have normal fights and fail to communicate from time to time. But we are more self-aware of this and make efforts to do better. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I have a group of men that keep me accountable. I don’t fear telling my wife about the struggles I’m experiencing and her the same. 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God has taken my story and has flipped the script from shame to redemption, my hopes are that we continue to seek God and allow him to use us as instruments as we live in grace.

Martha I never expected to be up here sharing my deepest secrets with everyone and being fully known, as a broken person, but if given the opportunity I will continue to do it because of what 2 Corinthians 12: 9 says “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” God will be glorified through my mistakes. My husband has changed radically as an honest and fully open person towards me, lovable and fully attentive. My love for my husband is like no other, I thought I loved him before but now I am utterly in love and God has given me a new way to look at him.

If we can leave you with something tonight, it is don't worry how bad your past looks, know that there is a God that loves you and when we leave everything up to Him there is nothing He can’t change. With the Lords help through re|engage, our marriage was saved. The lessons that we find within this book work but only if you are honest with yourself, with your spouse and when you let the Lord work in you. It is thanks to the Lord that this picture of all of us together is possible and we will forever be grateful.

Thank you for letting us share.


About 're|engage Testimonies'

This series contains teachings and testimonies of God's transforming power in marriages at re|engage. re|engage is designed specifically to address needs in marriage by helping couples move towards oneness in their marriage through stories of grace, teaching and small groups. Whether your marriage needs to be reignited, or is in need of a complete resurrection, re|engage is a safe place for couples to reconnect. It is a 16-week experience which includes a time of praise and worship, a teaching or a testimony by a couple who has experienced victory in the midst of hard times, and small group time which follows a specified curriculum. We meet every Wednesday night, 6:30-8:15 p.m. in The Loft (7540 LBJ Freeway @ Park Central, Dallas). Childcare is provided and registration is not required.