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Conflict Resolution Road Map

Conflict is our constant opportunity. Watermark is committed to resolving conflict in a way that glorifies God, builds up the church, and reflects the principles laid out in Scripture. Since all relationships—including those among believers—will be faced with disagreements at different times, Christ-followers must be vigilant about resolving conflict amongst one another. Dealing biblically with conflict is one example of how Watermark seeks to live out our marker of being a community church. If you have been offended (or potentially offended), below are some helpful steps to resolve the conflict.

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Step 1: Am I in Conflict?

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Romans 12:18)

How to determine if you’re in conflict:

  • Has someone sinned against me? Have I sinned against someone? (Matthew 5:23-24)
  • Has someone broken my trust in them?
  • Have I spoken poorly about someone? (Proverbs 26:20)
  • Am I imagining payback, revenge, or justice? (Romans 12:19-20)
  • Am I actively avoiding someone?
Step 2: Can I Overlook It?

"Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." (Proverbs 19:11)

Can you try to privately overlook the offense, make allowance for faults, forgive, and move on? (Ephesians 4:1-6; Colossians 3:12-13)

When to not overlook an offense:

  • If the offense dishonors God (Romans 2:23-24)
  • If the offense broke a relationship (Proverbs 18:19)
  • If the offense is hurting others (Philippians 2:4)
  • If the offense is hurting the offender (James 5:19-20)
Step 3: What Is My Part to Own?

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

Recognize that blame rarely lies 100 percent with any single party. (Galatians 6:3-4)

Commit to forgiving the offender as the Lord has forgiven you. (Colossians 3:12-13)

  • What of your actions—however big or small— have contributed to this conflict?
  • When apologizing, do so thoroughly.
  • You don’t have to wait for someone to repent to forgive that person.
Step 4: How Can I Seek Reconciliation?

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." (Matthew 18:15-17)

With a forgiving heart, gently point out another’s part in the conflict. (Galatians 6:1-2)

  • First, talk in private, one-on-one.
  • If they don’t listen and repent, try again with one or two others.
  • If they don’t listen and repent, try again with a group from the church.
  • If they don’t listen and repent, remove them from the fellowship of church membership.
  • Fellowship is restored when they listen and repent.

If you are the offending party and need to seek reconciliation, below are some principles for navigating an apology.

  1. Admit what you did wrong. Acknowledge the harm you caused without justifying or downplaying your actions. Express empathy for how your actions might have made them feel.
  2. Apologize. Tell them you are sorry for what you did. Be specific.
  3. Ask for forgiveness. Say the words, “Will you forgive me?”
  4. Accept the consequences. Do what you can to make it right and alter your behavior. You are not truly sorry if you continue causing harm.
Forgiveness Is Not. . .

As believers in Jesus, we are called to forgive as Christ has forgiven us (Colossians 3:12-13) and ultimately to entrust justice to God. However, if you are in a position to grant forgiveness, it’s important to understand what forgiveness is not.

  1. Excusing. There is no excuse for sin. God will make sure all sin is paid for.
  2. Denial. Do not pretend you are not hurt. Honestly bring your pain to God.
  3. Feeling. Forgiveness is a decision you can make no matter how you feel.
  4. Forgetting. To forgive you must remember the offense, God’s justice, the cross, and God forgiving you.
  5. Trust. Forgiveness is a gift, but trust must be earned.
  6. Optional. God commands us to forgive. Refusing to forgive is rebelling against God.
  7. Reconciliation. Reconciliation takes action from both sides; forgiveness is between you and God.

The conflict resolution roadmap was introduced at the Church Leadership Conference in 2023. Listen to the message.