I grew up in a loving home in a small town, playing baseball and riding my bike until the streetlights came on. I went to a private Christian school and attended church, but I had a low view of Christ and disliked church.
Everything was great until eighth grade, when my parents announced they were getting divorced. My world was rocked. It was the first time I remember experiencing anxiety, which would be an underlying struggle for the next couple of decades.
At a new school in a new city, I had a hard time making friends. I played sports, but the group that welcomed me most was the party crowd. So, I started drinking and doing other things. I never got into trouble, but I was definitely making a lot of bad decisions.
By God’s providence, I ended up spending the summer before my senior year with my aunt and uncle in London, England. They spent the entire summer sharing about Christ’s death and resurrection with me, answering questions, staying up late, and showing me what godliness looked like. My intellectual barriers began to fall.
One day, as I read a book on a train, I prayed, God, I don’t know who you are, but I want to know you. I want to know Jesus.
Having trusted in Jesus, I went back to Texas as a Christian, but I’d yet to surrender my life choices fully to Christ.
One night, my lifestyle and choices began to catch up with me, and I felt the weight of my sin. I’m not an emotional person at all, but I cried all night, asking God to get me out of the lifestyle I was in.
The next morning, I got a phone call about a summer job selling books door-to-door in southern Indiana. Why I agreed to this, I have no idea, but God surrounded me with other Christ followers. That summer, I fully committed to Christ. I remember praying, God, I don’t care if you make me unpopular or poor, I’m going to follow you.
God changed my life drastically. I found myself in an uncomfortable in-between. The party crowd barely recognized me, and the Christians who knew me before were suspicious. I ended up living with a guy who was also a Christian, and he discipled me that whole year. Even though I experienced a radical change, I continued to cling to the sin of pornography, a struggle that began when I was eight years old.
This became more of a struggle when I got married. In search of freedom, I went to Re:generation, Watermark’s recovery ministry, for vague “lust struggles”, but I didn’t specifically confess to my wife until several months in. That’s when I realized the heavy weight of that sin.
Through participating and later leading groups with Re:gen, I learned the beauty of confession and a clean conscience, and I have experienced freedom from pornography, lust, anxiety, and people-pleasing. I still struggle at times, but when I go through the hard seasons, I have the tools to return to Christ.
These tools came in handy when I hit a stage in my Christian life I call “The Wall”. In this season, it felt like the lights went off in my relationship with Christ. I knew Jesus was still there and still loved me, but it felt like he turned his back and was facing away from me. The main way it showed up was in my work; it was failure after failure without reason, and I was frustrated.
I had to sit and wait as God worked in me. Once I understood that God was crushing my ego and pride to bring me closer to him. Even though my circumstances were still hard, it became easier to bear. During that time, I learned that for many years I wrongly believed the blessings in my life came from my ability, not God’s kindness. This was sin, and God was kindly rooting it out.
Now, I can enjoy my life more—hard situations included—and enjoy people more. I’m not trying to make myself look good anymore. My focus is on honoring God, loving others, caring for my wife, and discipling my kids.
Being a dad is one of my favorite things I’ve ever done. My goal is to disciple my four kids to be fully devoted Christ-followers who are well-adjusted adults, so I take them each to breakfast once a month to have intentional and quality time with them one-on-one. I want to do everything with love and fun, always encouraging my kids and pointing them to Christ.
God has changed my life, but his work in me will not be done until the day Christ returns to make all things new. In times of disobedience, be quick to confess and repent. In times of disillusionment, trust and obey as the Lord refines you. God loves you, and he wants your life and mine to be abundant with joy, peace, and love.