I started following Jesus in 2022. For the first time, I learned what it looked like to intentionally read and study the Bible. I noticed my desires changing: I wanted to follow God’s Word and began to experience biblical community in my life.
That same month, after attending a Christian women’s conference, I made the decision to be baptized as an outward expression of my inner transformation in Christ.
That same year, I purchased a ticket to Awaken, a gathering hosted by The Porch at Watermark.
Two days before Awaken, I went to my hometown for a wedding, but I didn’t realize I was walking into a moment where my faith would be deeply tested.
A major family secret was revealed to me after 23 years. I experienced an overwhelming mix of shock, betrayal, and grief from this news. I questioned where God was. I couldn’t understand why I was learning this at this point in my life.
Looking back, I see his great provision that this was just two weeks after I publicly declared my new life in Christ through baptism. God began to teach me how to extend the same forgiveness I received from Christ to others.
2 Corinthians 3:3 kept coming to mind: “And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”
Those words reminded me that I belonged to Christ. This long-kept secret was not my identity, and his Spirit was still at work within me, faithfully shaping me by his grace.
I walked into Awaken with a broken heart and a mind that felt disoriented, but I had an expectation that this was exactly where I was supposed to be.
During one of the messages, I wrote this down in my journal: I don’t want to choose comfort; I want to choose obedience.
At the time, I didn’t understand why God allowed me to walk through that pain so early in my faith journey. But through the messages and the Holy Spirit’s work that weekend, I knew I needed to have a conversation with my dad—to ask questions, seek clarity, and tell him face-to-face that I forgave him.
At Awaken, when they encouraged us to ask for prayer, I raised my hand for someone to pray with me. I remember crying out to the Lord, asking him to bring my family’s shame, hurt, and unforgiveness into the light so true healing could begin.
Healing began, and it has continued through years of surrender, patience, and fixing my eyes on the cross. The burden was too heavy for me to carry alone, and Awaken was the first place I experienced God using his people to meet me in my weakness.
I think about that younger version of me and praise God because I learned that he holds it all together (Colossians 1:17). He is not just at the beginning or the end—he is in the middle, walking with us. He is our provider, healer, and keeper.
I learned the beauty of Psalm 27:7-9: “Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, LORD, do I seek.’”
A year later, at Launch, a weekend retreat with The Porch, I shared my story with girls in my group. Four of them had similar parts of their stories, and we got to process together. I felt like I got to see 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 come alive: the Father of mercies and God of all comfort comforts us in all our affliction, so that I might be able to comfort those who are in a similar affliction with that same comfort. I saw the ways he held me in that moment and realized I was shaped by what I walked through, so that I might be able to meet girls in the same way with compassion, empathy, and understanding.
Now, I have the privilege of serving at The Porch, where God continues to use this part of my testimony to encourage other women in similar circumstances. I get to be a witness to the fact that reconciliation and a restored relationship, despite sin, are possible. I get to encourage the biblical understanding of forgiveness: it’s the choice to let go of a debt or wrong, because instead of holding on to anger, you get to give it to God, leaving the final justice to him.
My encouragement is this: even when you can’t see it, God is writing a story more beautiful than you can imagine. What the enemy meant for evil, God can use for good.
My prayer for anyone reading this is that you would have a humble obedience before the Lord and abandon any tug-of-war with God. I pray that the Holy Spirit would prepare your hearts to behold the beauty of Christ and minister to you personally, just as he did for me.
The Porch is a weekly gathering at Watermark on Tuesday nights for young adults (ages 22-35) to gather for worship, prayer, teaching, and fellowship. Learn more at theporch.live