When I look back at my life, I think about all I had and didn’t have, and I remember I was so frustrated and confused. I’d always compare my friends’ lives to mine, and everything just looked so different and uncertain. But now, with Jesus, everything makes sense.
My life wasn’t very consistent. Finances were tight, my parents weren’t together, and my mom had chronic health issues. I remember, at just 12 years old, promising myself that I’d do whatever I could to become rich and take care of her.
Where I grew up in Kansas, being a Christian to me was just normal—it felt like everyone went to church and called themselves a Christian, so I did too. School, church, and praying felt like things I had to do.
In high school, I got hooked on the feeling of making money after starting a lawn care business with my best friend. Around this time, I started partying, drinking underage, and doing whatever I wanted. This was an attractive lifestyle for me, which only increased my desire to pursue it on a larger scale in college.
There, I started making friends right away, including a guy named Caleb. I’d go to anything he’d invite me to, because I knew there would be free food and new people.
Eventually, our time together led to deeper conversations about faith. He shared the gospel with me—he walked through a drawing of a bridge, explaining that our sin separates us from God, leaving a gap we cannot cross on our own. Jesus’ death on the cross acts as the bridge, making a way for us to have eternal life and be restored to a relationship with God when we trust in him. Then, he asked if I wanted to put my faith in Jesus that very day.
I looked at the illustration. I looked at him. And I immediately said, “No, bro. Absolutely not.”
I thought he wanted to put rules on my life, and I was at college to live with no rules. But Caleb continued to process with me, even while I kept going deeper into my destructive, sinful lifestyle.
I was getting good grades, had a good internship, and was on my way to a good job. I was getting drunk and doing drugs—full of pride, jealousy, greed, slander, and deceit. I didn’t know it, but I was dying on the inside.
When I would start thinking about my future and my life, questions filled my head. What’s going to happen when you die? What’s going to happen to everything you’re working for?
That summer, I was invited to a Christian service project. I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up my summer, but the Lord wanted me there. I knew the right “Christian” answers to make it through the interview process, but I didn’t believe what I was saying.
Once there, I thought it was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought the people were weird because they were so joyful, jumping around and dancing—sober! Something in our lives was vastly different, and I quickly understood that I was just calling myself a follower of Jesus Christ, but they truly had a relationship with Jesus. As I grew closer to these people, I slowly considered Jesus a little more.
After another conversation with Caleb, I went home and asked the Lord to open my mind and my heart to him. From that point, I started diving into Scripture. For the first time, everything felt like it was clicking.
I was struck by John 9:31: “We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.” Suddenly, I physically felt a weight, as if all my sin fell on me, and I couldn’t bear it. It was the first time I believed I needed a Savior.
Just days later, I couldn’t shake a burning feeling in my chest. I knew I had to surrender my life, my habits, and my plans to the Lord. So, during my shift at a diner, I went to the bathroom to be alone and begged God to save me.
The change in my life was radical. I just wanted to follow Jesus. John 12:25 was an important verse for me: “Whoever loves his life will lose it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
As I grew in my relationship with the Lord, my desires and priorities changed. I once had such a desire to be successful and make money, but now I was zealous to share Jesus with everyone and make disciples. I started leading Bible studies and sharing Jesus with younger guys at my college, telling them with confidence that following Jesus is the only way. Now, I’m almost finished with my 10 months in the Watermark Institute, with plans for a future in vocational ministry.
For most of my life, I prayed, but my prayers were all Devan-centered. I didn’t know who God was; I didn’t know he was holy or personal. I didn’t know that he sent Jesus Christ to die for me because he loved me. Now, I look at my life before I knew him, and I am not the same person.
There was a time in my life when I was prideful, self-centered, and lost, but God saved me from living for myself and gave my life true purpose. Now I am filled with zeal and inexpressible joy. Thanks be to God the Father through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior!