Anxiety marked my life from a young age. I remember being terrified to ride the bus in kindergarten. Depression came alongside that. By fifth or sixth grade, my parents took me to a psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed antidepressants. I remember feeling a lot of shame, like something was wrong with me. I started to believe I was broken.
I tried to escape that feeling in different ways. In elementary and middle school, I desperately wanted the right friends and idolized celebrities, music, and TV. I was obsessed. That was my worship. As I transitioned out of high school, I found identity in work.
I grew up in a loving home in Louisiana. While church was important, I didn’t really know how to have a relationship with Jesus. God wasn’t talked about much outside of Sunday. I had no idea what a true, transforming relationship with Jesus really looked like, and I didn't put in the effort to learn.
Still, I remember there were times when it felt like something inside of me knew that Jesus was where I should go in times of anxiety. I remember referring to the book of Isaiah, “when you pass through the waters, I will be with you,” before swim meets, hoping it would take my anxiety away. But then, when I still felt anxious, I’d put God to the side.
I stayed close to home for college because I idolized comfort and worked multiple jobs to stay busy. In college, I fell hard for a guy who never loved me back. That reinforced a belief I already had: I’m unlovable. The shame and insecurity ran deep.
After college, I got a good job but felt restless. I thought moving would fix me. So I moved to Dallas. Around that time, I started calling myself an agnostic or an atheist. I discovered music festivals and felt alive. I remember thinking, This is the meaning of life. For about two years, I built my identity around concerts and festivals. I felt good for a while.
By the beginning of 2016, depression consumed me, and I was crippled by anxiety like I had never experienced before.
One night, out of nowhere, I called out to God. Even though I said I didn’t believe in him, I cried out in desperation, “God, I need your help.” I felt this wave of peace come over me. I stopped crying. It felt like he responded. The God who had felt distant suddenly felt close.
Things didn’t change overnight, but something shifted in my heart. I wanted to go to church. I wanted to learn about God and the Bible. The intensity I once gave to music and concerts shifted to a focus on knowing God and his Word. I had family at Watermark who had been inviting me for two years. They loved me well, never pushed, just stayed consistent. And when I was ready, they were there.
About a month after coming back to church, I told my Jesus-loving grandfather that I had started going again. He was so proud. A week later, he passed away. That was my first real experience with grief. It was intense. But I’m so thankful I had just started walking with God, because I had something real to cling to. That’s when I found my granddad’s devotional and read Romans 8:28— “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good…” That verse came alive to me.
Later, God helped me through the grief and struggles with a community group and through Re:generation, Watermark’s biblical recovery ministry. That’s where I really learned how to walk with Jesus. I learned how to be honest, repent, keep short accounts, and live in the light. It laid the foundation for abiding with him.
Not long after, I met my godly husband, Justin. I still believed I was unlovable, and that same insecurity showed up in our dating relationship, creating doubt and conflict. I knew I’d found someone special, and I was terrified of losing him. My insecurities fueled fights and a lack of peace. But he stayed. We dated for about two years and have now been married for almost seven years. Justin exudes such a godly love— he loves Jesus and loves me like Christ loves the church. God has continued to use our relationship to heal old lies.
Today, my relationship with Jesus is everything. The lie that I’m unlovable doesn’t define me anymore. I am growing and being transformed by the unshakeable reality of the infinite and steadfast love of God, who sees and knows me personally.
It has been 10 years now since I first called out to God, and he sent Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, to save me. I’ve never turned back and never could. My life is still being transformed, but I have truth now in the form of God’s Son, who will never leave me or let me go. He perfectly paid for my sins. Jesus is real and alive. This is historically proven, but now it’s personally true to me. It's not just another story, like I thought as a kid.
There was a time in my life when I was without direction, ruled by anxiety and despair. But God intervened and drew me to faith in Jesus. Now I’m surrendered to him—the way, the truth, and the life—and I’m continuing to walk with him every day.