“The first time my faith felt tested and the first time I felt like I really experienced anything difficult was in my sophomore year of high school. The death of a close friend was the catalyst for my first feelings of anxiety, fear, and deep emotion.
“I’d have so many conversations with my mom about the sovereignty of God and began to dig into my faith in a new way. I understood that God was in control, but I pushed my feelings of grief and fear away and just moved on.
“In college, I felt I had to make a name for myself. I got caught up in my image, who I was hanging out with, and what people thought of me. I began to play with sin I swore I never would and toed the line of things I knew were against God’s desire and best for me.
“Right before my junior year of college, my dad passed away unexpectedly. It absolutely shattered me. I thought, ‘God, if this is your plan for my life, if being involved with you looks like this, I want nothing to do with it. I don’t need you. I’m done.’
“I still believed God was faithful and good to other people, but not to me. I thought I fell through the cracks. I was in the most dangerous spot of my life as I wrestled with idolizing things other than Christ, just looking for something to fill a void. I was trying to make my life better through temporary fixes, but I was making it worse by running from the exact thing that would fulfill me – Christ. I wasn’t dealing with the hurt from my dad’s death. I tried to cope with my dating relationship, drinking, and disordered eating. I was the one choosing to sin and walk away from the Lord, but I was still blaming him for my unhappiness. I’d often wake up hungover asking, ‘God, why are you doing this to me?’
“Around this time, I was invited to go on a mission trip with a ministry at my college. Truthfully, I didn’t care about other people knowing the Lord. I just wanted to go on an international trip. But it was that very trip where the Lord started to soften my heart to him. I was around believers again, and it was so life-giving. The Lord used this trip to call me back to the local church and to realize my need for biblical community.
“When I returned from the trip, I started getting involved at Watermark. God knew I needed other believers to walk through that season with me. I decided to lean in and allow the church and my community group to love me in the midst of heartbreak. Even though we’d just met, they were there for me in the most indescribable way. They really cared. It was such a picture of Christ that I desperately needed in that season. It revealed to me God’s pursuit and faithfulness that had never left. The same pursuit and faithfulness I didn’t think he had for me.
“When I decided to go through re:generation, Watermark’s biblical recovery ministry, I felt like I was hearing the gospel for the first time again. Romans 5:8 really impacted me. It says, ‘God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ I understood that, while I am so sinful, and amid my rebellion, Christ still chose me. I learned that Christ offers me change and redemption, and I was ready to fully surrender to him again.
“Learning to surrender, pray, confess, and abide in Jesus was the most freeing, life-giving experience. I felt like I had hope again! I felt peace knowing and believing God is so faithful. Even when I was straying, he was pursuing me consistently. I know he is the answer and what satisfies. He is the only place I can find peace, hope, joy, and fulfillment.
“As I continue to walk and grow in the Lord, I also spend my time serving with Reclaimed, Watermark’s anti-sex trafficking ministry. The Lord instilled in me a passion and desire to use my gifts to help fight this injustice, and he prepared me in my relationship with him to rely on him, even in this ministry. I know I can do nothing in my own strength, especially serving in this capacity. I’m so grateful that as I walk with him, I can serve vulnerable populations like women who are victims of sex trafficking. I’ve seen his faithfulness as he’s broken down walls to create relationships with women and how he walks us through every conversation.”
Each Monday, re:generation is a safe place to experience healing and freedom through 12 Christ-centered steps of recovery. Join us on Mondays at 6:30 PM.
Reclaimed, Watermark’s anti-sex trafficking ministry, is hosting a two-day class this Friday and Saturday (January 31–February 1). You’ll learn about sex trafficking’s root causes and ways you are uniquely wired to help fight it. Learn more about Reclaimed and this opportunity.