“As a child, I believed that God was real and that the Bible was true, but learning about him felt like a history lesson. I never felt a closeness to God. Beginning in grade school, I found my identity in being wanted and accepted by people—at first, from excelling in school and eventually through the approval of my peers. I used lies and manipulation to get people to like me. I said things I didn’t mean and did things I wasn’t comfortable with just to feel like I was part of the fold. I found my worth in being good enough.
“After college, things only seemed to get worse. Nothing felt ‘off-limits’ to me, and this attitude led to a severe substance abuse issue in my young professional life. I relied on different drugs to perform at work, to relax after, to have fun while out with friends, and to impress the people I wanted to be close to. I felt enslaved to the life and the identity I had created for myself, but I didn’t know how to stop, even if I wanted to.
“One night, I consumed a number of drugs far beyond my tolerance and began to overdose. As my body was shutting down, I somehow woke up, ran outside, contacted my roommate, and got to safety. I spent some time in the hospital and more time at home with my parents. They were confused because I’d never let them see this side of me. They didn’t even recognize who I’d become.
“My family saw a need for a deep change in my heart. My brother, who’d been attending Watermark for a few years, suggested Re:generation, Watermark’s biblical recovery ministry. The following Monday at Re:generation, tears of anger brimmed in my eyes during the entire worship set and teaching. I didn’t want recovery; I wanted to go back to the life I was comfortable with. I was terrified to disappoint my parents, so I made a deal with myself. I could skate through a year of this recovery group, skimming the surface and checking the necessary boxes to make it look like I had changed, and then I could go back to the way things were.
“I began Re:gen with my heart locked and chained, sharing only surface-level stories and tying them up neatly with a bow to appear like I had everything figured out. But, no matter how closed-off I made myself, God was working on my heart. He knew the messages I would hear and the leaders to place in my circle that would slowly chip away at the walls I built.
“I thought sitting in that circle meant admitting I wasn't good enough. I learned that no one is ‘good enough.’ Thankfully, we don’t have to be because God loves us enough to send his Son to die for us. Still, I could see a common thread through all my resentments, fears, and hurts. I just wanted people to think I was good enough, and I thought being anything other than perfect would turn them away.
“I was scared out of my mind to confess a lifetime’s worth of sin to my community group, but true community and connection came not from being perfect together but from sharing our brokenness. I learned that when someone comes forward with their struggles and the parts of them that aren’t shiny and perfect, we can feel free to share ours, too, and point each other towards the forgiveness that comes only through Christ.
“I commenced in 2018 and immediately returned to Re:generation to serve in Groundwork, the very first step for new participants. I joyfully get to use my story of brokenness to point others to Christ and show them his incredible plan for each of us.
“And while I now feel like I’m on the other side of a very difficult climb, there are still many hard lessons that the Lord is teaching me. God helped me form a foundation in him before I met my husband, Morgan, and I’m so grateful. As we navigate life together, I am still learning ways I seek to find my identity in things other than the Lord. But with God’s help, I’m getting better every day.
“On this side of eternity, I’ll never be completely free from the presence of sin in my life. Spoiler: neither will you. But we can live in freedom from the power of sin. We can live regenerated, new lives in Christ today.
“My drift away from God was so slow, I didn’t even notice. That’s why I love the metaphor that Jesus uses of sheep (Luke 15:4-6). A sheep gets separated from the herd not because it runs in the other direction — it gets separated because it stops looking to the shepherd to show it where to go. Sheep get distracted by things of the world, eating some good grass or looking at the clouds. And before they know it, the herd has moved on, and they’re lost.
“While I was wandering away from the herd time and time again, putting myself in unimaginable danger, God was chasing after me. While walking through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4), God picked me up, put me on his shoulders, and brought me home. I’ve found that healing is possible, and life is sweeter when walking with Jesus.”
Every week, people are finding hope and freedom from addictive behaviors, compulsive thinking, and sin patterns through Christ at Re:generation. Adults (18+) are invited to Re:generation on Mondays at 6:30 PM. Learn more.
Re:generation for students (grades 6-12) is offered multiple times throughout the school year. Learn more.