Peace Even in Uncertainty

Peace Even in Uncertainty Hero Image Peace Even in Uncertainty Hero Image

“I grew up with a very legalistic approach to faith and Christianity. I was really only at church because either my friends were there, or my parents were going. For most of elementary school, that was what we did – church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. It wasn’t until middle school that I started trying to figure out why I was showing up each week.

“At a winter camp in seventh grade, I rededicated my life to Christ. I said I wanted to have a personal relationship with Him, and I understood the sin I was saved from. Growing up in the environment I did, I tended to think, ‘Oh, I’m not that bad. These are small sins.’

“Fast forward to now: I am a Shoreline leader at Watermark. I realized that the leaders I had and the friends I hung out with who pointed me to Christ when I was a student really protected me from the pains of high school. Yes, I did many stupid things, but I realized at a young age that there were so many ways to have fun with Christ and without many of the things this world says you need in order to have fun, such as alcohol or drugs.

“I see myself in some of the boys in my group now. Many have also grown up in church and are at points where they can own their faith apart from their parents. We get to sit together and ask them, ‘Do you know what your faith is about?’ Ultimately, it’s between them and God. The only thing I can do is be a loyal servant and faithful leader. I know they’re going to college soon, and I want to trust the Lord’s process with them. I know they are in His hands.

“This foundation in Christ and the people He surrounded us with was a safe zone to prepare and help as my wife and I would later walk through a season of heartache and frustration due to infertility.

“For so long, my expectation for life was to go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids. And, for the most part, my life was matching my expectations. But when we started experiencing infertility, it was the first time in my life that it was not going according to my plan. I had to come to terms that I was living my life according to my plan, I had just been calling it God’s plan.

“I have always said, ‘Whatever God’s will is for my life, I’m on board.’ But now, I really had to believe and trust that. I’m so grateful that we experienced this together. We’ve grown closer in our marriage and our relationships with Christ.

“It is so hard to see your spouse go through hard things, especially struggling with anxiety, knowing that you can’t do anything to fix it in the moment. I am a ‘fix it’ person. When my wife comes home and tells me about her day, I want to fix the problems immediately, but I’ve learned how to slow down and listen.

"The Lord has taught me how to let go and trust Him to give me ways to love and serve my wife – and that comes with a lot of communication.

“There were times when I was so frustrated with God. It felt like we were stumbling through the dark. Because I wasn’t the pregnant one, it was easier for me to go to work and not think about it, but I wanted to make sure that I remembered and was present with how my wife was feeling.

“When my wife started going through Shiloh, Watermark’s ministry for those experiencing miscarriage and infertility, I learned a whole new way to serve my wife through the process of infertility. I’ve learned what it means to listen to my wife and her struggles and how to encourage her when I don’t know the answer. Her faith and peace throughout this whole process has been encouraging and challenged me to have a similar trust in God. I thought I trusted God, but now I can say I truly believe that He is my portion and my strength.

“I have seen through this whole process that God has been there with us at each step. He has provided peace in times of uncertainty and direction when we didn’t know what was going to come. My trust has grown in Him even more since our son, Tanner, was born.

“James 1:17, ‘Every good gift and every perfect give is from above,’ comes to mind regularly. Tanner truly is a blessing from above, and we are grateful every day for him! I have grown in my reliance on God as we navigate all the decisions and experiences that come with parenting. I pray each day that Tanner would love the Lord and that God would surround him with people who love God and push him toward the Lord.”