I am no stranger to mistakes. For most of my life I kept hidden how my many wrong choices had destroyed the good in my life. The blows came slowly bringing me to the end of what I had falsely believed. How could I find hope by surrendering at rock bottom?
I liked having sex in high school. It seemed so inconsequential. The real consequences were not something I had pondered, and I certainly never heard what the Bible had to say. No one taught me why it was better to wait for my wife or how to honor God through marriage. Unprepared and selfishly reluctant to become a father before I was “ready,” my wife-to-be was convinced that abortion was our only option. Our engagement ended with the abortion. If abortion was supposed to be freeing for us, why did it end our relationship? But, God was working. Years later, I saw how He used my mistakes to restore me.
But God does not take away life, instead he devises ways so a banished person will not remain estranged from him. 2 Samuel 14:14
I did move on but not in peace or confidence. I got married, started working... but the consequences of the abortion lingered. Years later, my health was compromised, and it started to reawaken the lingering damage. I found myself in the ER. Soon to follow, I lost my job, and then my marriage was in jeopardy. It took me another two years of searching for answers before I cried out for relief. I was broken. I asked God if he could forgive me for the abortion I was involved in so many years before. He answered my prayers before I could even finish my plea. He knew I would seek Him and find Him. He was with me and reminded me nothing had been hidden. He was there in my pride and my pain.
By God’s grace, my story brought me to the after abortion care ministry at Watermark, which fosters recovery and healing in women and men who have played a part in an abortion. As we met, I learned the source of healing and forgiveness comes through Jesus Christ and His sacrifice as full and complete payment for my sins.
But God demonstrates his love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
God provides the sacrifice of His Son in order for me to be reconciled to Him. He set me free from sin. I wanted to bury my passive participation in the abortion, ignore my conscience, and move on as if the abortion had made my life easier or more of what I wanted for myself. I couldn’t. The more I turned away from it, the louder my conviction became. I had to have someone able to stand in my place and take my guilt from me. I hadn’t even hoped it were possible before. I know now that my forgiveness for the abortion is confirmed by Christ’s death and resurrection. So I not only hope, but I have received forgiveness and freedom.
As you seek to discover a way to find freedom and healing from your past, and to find a lasting hope, know this isn’t just religious manipulation. Jesus Christ was a person verified by historians who claimed to be the source of salvation (John 14:6) and whose life confirms those claims over and over again. He used my abortion and each consequence that followed so I could come to desire Him and find a love that exceeds my desperation for healing or my hope of conjuring some false solution. God is patient and kind. His love is perfect and pure. Seek Him, and be free. It’s possible and available.
Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4