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Billy and Amanda Porche

Mar 27, 2019

In This Series (250)
Raeul and Susan
May 15, 2020
Jason and Mandy
May 15, 2020
Testimony- Brian and Morgan Buchek
Mar 4, 2020Dallas
Testimony - David & Tara Jensen
Mar 2, 2020Plano
Blended Family Panel
Feb 26, 2020Dallas
Testimony - Greg & Jennifer Sutherland
Feb 24, 2020Plano
Testimony - Jacob & April Neely
Feb 17, 2020Plano
Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
Feb 5, 2020Dallas
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 8, 2020
Divorce Panel
Brett Bruster, Bobby Johns, Alissa MauldinNov 20, 2019
LaDale & Cynthia BuggsNov 13, 2019
Nov 6, 2019
Testimony- Glenn and Desiree Newblom
Oct 23, 2019
Testimony- Greg and Emily Goodin
Oct 16, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Sep 18, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Sep 11, 2019
Brandon and Brittani Travelstead
Sep 7, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Shane & Alissa MauldinAug 28, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Ryan & Callie Nixon, John & Pam McGeeAug 21, 2019
Re|Engage Large Group Testimony
Dru & Amanda GuillotAug 14, 2019Plano
Martin and Lenore Gao
Jul 24, 2019Dallas
Testimony - Shera and Trey O’Neal
Jul 10, 2019Dallas
Matt and Sonja McCuen
Jul 3, 2019
John and Debbie Wingfield
Jun 12, 2019
Alex and Jen Lesko
Jun 12, 2019
Tim and Kalyn Gereg
Jun 5, 2019
Jimmy and Michelle Comeaux
May 29, 2019
Ivan and Martha Illarramendi
May 1, 2019
Robert and Linda Green
Robert and Linda GreenApr 10, 2019
LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
Apr 10, 2019
Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Apr 3, 2019
Billy and Amanda Porche
Mar 27, 2019
Brett and Jan Bruster
Brett & Jan BrusterMar 13, 2019
Greg and Emily Goodin
Mar 6, 2019
Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles & Karen BundrenFeb 6, 2019
Nate & Michelle BallJan 30, 2019
Testimony - Jared and Leigh Anne Sullivan
Jared & Leigh Anne SullivanJan 23, 2019
Bobby and Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsJan 9, 2019
Testimony - LaDale and Cynthia Buggs
LaDale & Cynthia BuggsDec 5, 2018
Re|Engage Spanish Night Testimony - Manuel & Elvia Lemus
Nov 14, 2018
Re|Engage Spanish Night Testimony - Ivan & Martha Illarramendi
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiNov 14, 2018
Ivan and Martha Illarramendi
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiNov 14, 2018
Testimony - Alex and Jen Lesko
Nov 7, 2018
Testimony - Raeul and Susan Cox
Raeul & Susan CoxOct 31, 2018
Simon and Katrina Saugier
Katrina Saugier, Simon SaugierOct 10, 2018
David and Denise Renken
David & Denise RenkenSep 10, 2018Plano
Testimony - Robert & Linda Green
Robert and Linda GreenSep 5, 2018
Testimony - Martin and Lenore Gao
Aug 29, 2018
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Aug 22, 2018
Testimony - Markus and Mary Kay Jabek
Aug 15, 2018
Testimony - Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles Bundren, Karen Bundren, Charles & Karen BundrenAug 1, 2018
Testimony - Bobby & Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsJul 18, 2018
Testimony - Ivan & Martha
Ivan & Martha IllarramendiJun 27, 2018
Testimony - Tim & Kalyn Gereg
Jun 20, 2018
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Greg & Tonya GilmerMay 30, 2018
Testimony - Ryan & Callie Nixon
Ryan & Callie NixonMay 23, 2018
Paul and Kelly Rutherford
Paul & Kelly RutherfordMay 9, 2018
Nate and Michelle Ball
Nate & Michelle BallMay 2, 2018
Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Kevin & Kelly MainzApr 18, 2018
Testimony - Greg and Emily Goodin
Greg Goodin, Emily GoodinMar 28, 2018
Testimony - John and Debbie Wingfield
John Wingfield, Debbie WingfieldMar 14, 2018
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
Shane & Alissa MauldinFeb 28, 2018
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Brett & Chrisey BillmanFeb 21, 2018
Todd and Alex Wagner
Todd & Alex WagnerFeb 7, 2018
Teaching - Community
Scott CoyJan 24, 2018
Will and Deveri Reppeto
Will and Deveri ReppetoJan 17, 2018
Testimony - Matt & Sonja McCuen
Matt and Sonja McCuenJan 10, 2018
Teaching- Completion
John & Pam McGeeDec 6, 2017
Testimony - Markus & Mary Kay Jabek
Markus & Mary Kay JabekNov 29, 2017
Testimony - Dave & Denise Renken
Dave & Denise RenkenNov 15, 2017
Robert and Liz White
Robert & Liz WhiteNov 8, 2017
Testimony- John and Pam McGee
John & Pam McGeeNov 1, 2017
Testimony- Charles and Karen Bundren
Charles & Karen BundrenOct 25, 2017
Testimony - John & Debbie Wingfield
John & Debbie WingfieldOct 18, 2017
Testimony - Greg & Tonya Gilmer
Greg & Tonya GilmerOct 11, 2017
Jim and Judy Wimberley
Jim & Judy WimberleySep 27, 2017
Testimony - Ryan & Callie Nixon
Ryan & Callie NixonSep 20, 2017
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Kyle & Lucinda ThompsonSep 13, 2017
Testimony - Jared & Leigh Anne Sullivan
Jared & Leigh Anne SullivanAug 30, 2017
Testimony - Bobby & Shari Johns
Bobby & Shari JohnsAug 23, 2017
John Paul and Rena LumHee
John Paul & Rena LumHeeAug 16, 2017
Testimony - Paul & Kelly Rutherford
Paul and Kelly RutherfordJul 26, 2017
Trey and Shera O'Neal
Trey O'Neal , Shera O'NealJul 19, 2017
Testimony - Kevin & Kelli Mainz
Kelli Mainz, Kevin MainzJul 12, 2017
Erick and Gina Frank
Jun 28, 2017
Martin & Lenore Gao Testimony
May 31, 2017
Tyler and Jenny O'Neal
May 24, 2017
Mark and Kathy Thomas
May 17, 2017
Peter and Eleanor Boynton
May 10, 2017
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
May 3, 2017
Eric and Catherine Couch
Eric Couch, Catherine CouchApr 19, 2017
Bill and Ann Daly
Mar 29, 2017
Testimony - LaDale & Cynthia Buggs
Mar 22, 2017
Testimony - Nate & Michelle Ball
Nate Ball, Michelle Ball Mar 15, 2017
Kyle and Caty Bilton
Caty Bilton, Kyle BiltonMar 8, 2017
Michael and Stefanie Santiago
Mar 6, 2017
Steve and Natalie Hamm
Re|EngageFeb 20, 2017
Testimony - Brett & Chrisey Billman
Brett Billman, Chrisey BillmanFeb 15, 2017
Chris and Charece Robbins
Feb 8, 2017
Testimony - Charles & Karen Bundren
Feb 1, 2017
Testimony - Will & Deveri Reppeto
Jan 25, 2017
Kline and Holly Swannie
Jan 18, 2017
Dean and Tawney Macfarlan
Jan 11, 2017
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Dec 21, 2016
Testimony - Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Nov 30, 2016
Testimony - Robert & Liz White
Liz White, Robert White Nov 9, 2016
Testimony - John & Debbie Wingfield
Oct 26, 2016
Testimonies - Matt & Sonja McCuen
Matt McCuen, Sonja McCuenOct 19, 2016
Testimony - Mark & Kathy Thomas
Oct 12, 2016
Testimony - Bobby and Shari Johns
Oct 5, 2016
Testimony - Simon & Katrina Saugier
Simon Saugier, Katrina SaugierSep 28, 2016
Testimony - Shane & Alissa Mauldin
Shane Mauldin, Alissa MauldinSep 21, 2016
Teaching - The Importance of Fun in Marriage
John & Pam McGeeSep 14, 2016
Paul and Kelly RutherfordAug 24, 2016
Teaching - Sexual Intimacy
Robert and Linda GreenAug 17, 2016
Rick and Michelle Howard
Re|EngageAug 10, 2016
Scott and Laura DeBow
Re|EngageJul 27, 2016
Zech and Kim Lumpkin
Re|EngageJul 20, 2016
Tyler and Jenny O'Neal Testimony
Re|EngageJul 13, 2016
Matt and Sonja McCuen
Re|EngageJun 29, 2016
Scott and Kristen Kedersha
Re|EngageJun 22, 2016
Bill and Ann Daly
Re|EngageJun 15, 2016
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageJun 8, 2016
Richard and Roxanna McCauley
Re|EngageMay 25, 2016
Jon and Kathy Flaming
Re|EngageMay 11, 2016
Brett and Jan Bruster
Re|EngageApr 27, 2016
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageApr 20, 2016
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Re|EngageApr 13, 2016
Chris and Charece Robbins
Re|EngageMar 23, 2016
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Re|EngageMar 9, 2016
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageMar 2, 2016
Derek and Stacy Braziel
Re|EngageFeb 17, 2016
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageFeb 3, 2016
Adam and Brooke Fish
Re|EngageJan 27, 2016
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Re|EngageJan 13, 2016
Everett and Emily Alexander
Re|EngageJan 6, 2016
Mark and Kathy Thomas
Re|EngageDec 16, 2015
Divorce Panel
Re|EngageDec 9, 2015
Matt and Amy Levy
Re|EngageNov 18, 2015
Robert and Liz White
Re|EngageNov 4, 2015
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson
Re|EngageOct 21, 2015
Matt and Sonja McCuen
Re|EngageOct 14, 2015
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageOct 7, 2015
Chris and Charece Robbins
Re|EngageSep 30, 2015
Dru and Amanda Guillot
Re|EngageSep 23, 2015
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageSep 16, 2015
Warren and Angie Wright
Re|EngageSep 9, 2015
Derek and Stacy Braziel
Re|EngageSep 2, 2015
Chris and Dana Adamson
Re|EngageJul 10, 2015
Jeremy and Mindi Patty
Re|EngageJul 8, 2015
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageJun 17, 2015
Jim and Judy Wimberley
Re|EngageJun 3, 2015
Kevin and Kelli Mainz
Re|EngageMay 20, 2015
Brett and Chrisey Billman
Re|EngageMay 11, 2015
Jason and Mandy Castro
Re|EngageMay 6, 2015
Kyle and Lucina Thompson
Re|EngageApr 29, 2015
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageApr 22, 2015
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Re|EngageApr 1, 2015
Raeul and Susan Cox
Re|EngageMar 18, 2015
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageFeb 25, 2015
John and Meredith Hall
Re|EngageFeb 18, 2015
Ryan and Callie Nixon
Re|EngageFeb 11, 2015
Adam and Brooke Fish
Re|EngageJan 28, 2015
Shane and Alissa Mauldin
Re|EngageJan 14, 2015
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageDec 3, 2014
Bobby and Shari Johns
Re|EngageDec 3, 2014
Greg and Tonya Gilmer
Greg Gilmer, Re|Engage, Tanya GilmerNov 19, 2014
Robert and Liz White
Re|EngageNov 12, 2014
A.C. and Debi Ndindjock
Re|EngageNov 5, 2014
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine
Re|EngageOct 22, 2014
Reid and Jenny Griffin
Re|EngageOct 15, 2014
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson
Re|EngageOct 13, 2014
Bill and Kathryn Buntyn
Re|EngageOct 1, 2014
Nate and Teresa Graybill
Re|EngageSep 24, 2014
Robert and Lou Ann McMillen
Re|EngageSep 17, 2014
Dee and Roddy Elliott
Re|EngageSep 17, 2014
Kirk and Cathy McJunkin
Re|EngageAug 27, 2014
Adam and Jackie Tarnow - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 13, 2014
Kyle and Lucina Thompson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 30, 2014
Joey and Christian Rider - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 2, 2014
Jason and Mandy Castro - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 25, 2014
Jeff and Martha Sharrock - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 18, 2014
Scott and Kristen Kedersha - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 11, 2014
Zech and Kim Lumpkin - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 4, 2014
Chris and Charece Robbins - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 7, 2014
Robert and Linda Green - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 30, 2014
Everett and Emily Alexander - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 23, 2014
Bobby and Shari Johns - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 16, 2014
Neal and Ann Holford - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 9, 2014
Les and Desi Brown - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 26, 2014
Preston and Lauren Bryan - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 19, 2014
Matt and Sonja McCuen - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 12, 2014
Simon and Katrina Saugier - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 22, 2014
Mark and Nancy Rovenstine - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 15, 2014
Chris and Dana Adamson - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 8, 2014
Rick and Michele Howard - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 18, 2013
Divorce Panel - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 11, 2013
Bryce and Elizabeth Erickson - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 20, 2013
Dee and Roddy Elliott - re|engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 13, 2013
Mike and Laura Labunski
Re|EngageNov 6, 2013
Robert and Liz White - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 30, 2013
Eddy and Rachel Badrina - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 23, 2013
Shane and Alissa Mauldin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 16, 2013
David and Denise Renken - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 9, 2013
Reid and Jenny Griffin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 25, 2013
A.C. and Debi Ndindjock - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 18, 2013
Joey and Christian Rider - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 11, 2013
Scott and Kristen Kedersha
Re|EngageAug 7, 2013
Jeff and Martha Sharrock
Re|EngageJul 31, 2013
Neal and Ann Holford - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 29, 2013
Wes and Brandy Butler - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 3, 2013
Andy and Jennifer Bailey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 27, 2013
Lance and Mandy Sisco - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 16, 2013
Leonard and Mandy Bagdanov - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 19, 2012
Blake and Rebecca Holmes - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 10, 2012
Chris and Dana - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 8, 2012
Catherine and Tom - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 25, 2012
Angie and Warren Wright - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 28, 2012
Teri and Robbie Vedrenne - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 21, 2012
Tawney and Dean Macfarlan - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 14, 2012
Brooke and Adam Fish - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 29, 2012
Judy and Jim Wimberly - Re|Engage Testiomony
Re|EngageFeb 22, 2012
Kim and Zech Lumpkin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 8, 2012
Mary and Ted Randall - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJan 11, 2012
Susan and Raeul - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 21, 2011
Katie and Brandon Lokey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageDec 14, 2011
Mindi and Jeremy - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 30, 2011
Lisbeth and Hil Bowman - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 19, 2011
Meredith and John Hall - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 28, 2011
Tanna and Rick - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageSep 14, 2011
Cathy and Kirk McJunkin - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 24, 2011
Crystal and Anthony Obey - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJul 27, 2011
Rachel and Eddy
Re|EngageJun 29, 2011
Lucina and Kyle Thompson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 22, 2011
Adam and Aleks Stewart - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 15, 2011
Linda and John Berry - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 25, 2011
Lora and Jeff Strese - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 11, 2011
Julie and Todd Anders - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 27, 2011
Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageApr 20, 2011
Jackie and Adam Tarnow - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 23, 2011
Ann and Matt Piper - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageFeb 16, 2011
Cindy and Mike Homsher - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageNov 3, 2010
Julie and Scott Sedberry - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageOct 13, 2010
Rebecca and Chip Dickens - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 25, 2010
Missy and David Leventhal - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageAug 18, 2010
Carrie and Troy Patterson - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageJun 30, 2010
Sheri and Brett Johnston - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 19, 2010
Tanna and Rick Wisner - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMay 12, 2010
Anna and Kavon Moradi - Re|Engage Testimony
Re|EngageMar 24, 2010

In This Series (294)

Hello, my name is Billy, and this is my bride and best friend Amanda.
We have been married almost 26 years, we have 3 amazing children. Breanna 23, Zoe 18 and Gage 12. We came to Re-Engage in October of 2016 with a marriage that was coming to an end. I think we both were looking for hope and a glimpse of light in the dark world of our own creation.

I was adopted at birth and raised as an only child; and shortly after that my parents divorced and my mom remarried. I spent most of childhood being physically, emotionally and verbally abused. I was the recipient of heavy hands, feet, or any object within reach to inflict maximum punishment, accompanied with words of hate, distaste and disappointment. My parents use of drugs and alcohol would usually lead to physical altercations, threats to kill one another, followed by periods of separation. They would eventually make up and it would begin all over again. I found some relief when visiting my grandparents during summers, although they were verbally and physically abusive towards one another; and mirrored my parent’s relationship almost exactly. They were gentle, kind and loving towards me. I remember finding pornography at their home when I was 8. This was my quick descent into a horrible addiction that would last more than 30 years. My parents divorced when I was 12. My mom spent the next 5 years in and out of relationships with men. Leaving me to grow up in bars with my grandparents attempt to raise me. I quickly grew up in an adult world where I would push boundaries with girlfriends, sought attention from older women in the bars, and drank until the doors closed. All this while balancing school and football. At 15, I could do everything the adults were doing without any restrictions. At 17, my mom married again, and we relocated to a new city. I started a new school. Finding any excuse, I could to stay away from home, I dove into football and weightlifting, filling my days with those things from sun up till sun down.

My parents divorced when I was 3, and my mom remarried when I was 6. We began attending church regularly and with childlike faith, I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 8 years old. My biological father was an alcoholic and a child molester. My step-dad was physically, verbally, mentally and religiously abusive. When I was a young teen, my step-dad thought I was lying about something. Repeatedly, I insisted that I was telling the truth, yet he didn't believe me. Each time he would spank me and then give me another chance to confess. Finally, so exhausted from the spanking, I gave in and admitted to what he thought to be true. And I prayed. I prayed that my parents would get divorced, and I prayed that God would take me to heaven because I didn't want to live anymore. When I look back on my childhood, I always think of myself as the wrong piece to puzzle.

I was invited to have free pizza at a local church one day. Church and God were never part of my childhood growing up. I went for the free pizza, and this is where I met Amanda. We quickly became best friends often spending hours on the phone, hanging out and going to youth group together. I tried hard to keep her at a distance because my life certainly did not match hers. We were on two different paths, but she was relentless! The more time we spent together, the more I realized I wanted her to be a part of my life forever. We married in 1993 and it wouldn’t take long for me to fall back to my old ways, having the first of many affairs.

I met Billy on my 17’th birthday at a church youth event. He was cute, funny, the life of the party and a football player. ;) Three months later we were dating. He proposed during our Senior year (putting the ring on the wrong finger 😉). We moved in together after graduation and married in 1993. I just knew that God sent this man to rescue me from a childhood that had left me so broken. I viewed Billy as my savior. Boy did I set him up to fail. For God’s word says in Psalm 62:1 For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. Within our first year of marriage, we moved in with my parents to attend college. I discovered that Billy was seeing someone else.

I was devastated. My mother, whose husband had also been unfaithful, was not supportive of us trying to work things out. In the end we decided to stay together. We didn't have Godly counsel or people in our life to walk alongside us through this decision. Like some couples, we decided this was the perfect time to have a baby. Billy worked long hours, sometimes 7 days a week. We barely saw each other, and I felt like he wasn’t meeting my needs or giving me the attention, I felt I deserved. I began a friendly relationship with a guy at work, which led to flirting and then an affair. I told Billy that I didn’t love him and that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He called me home to talk, and when I got there, he sat me down and began flipping through our photo albums. He said to me, “look at all of these great memories. You can’t possibly want to throw all of this away”. And he was right. I had gotten so wrapped up in myself, that all I could remember was the bad stuff and none of the good. Again, we didn’t have a support system and we didn’t seek Godly counsel. We stuffed all the hurt deep down inside and went on with our life. Drinking became a daily part of my life.

On the day I met my wife I also asked Jesus to take up residence in my heart; but I was not transformed and for the next 26 years I would not obey him nor make a sincere effort to live for him. My public profession that day was worthless. In fact, it was counterproductive, and I did more harm than good. I had no right calling myself a follower of Jesus. I claimed that which I did not practice. I claimed to be what I did not live. I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
1 John 1:6 says: if we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness we lie and do not practice the truth. Here I was thinking that getting saved and getting married would stop all the bad stuff I was doing, the porn, the drinking alcohol, and pursuing other women. I thought that I would somehow unhitch that trailer of trash and leave it to slowly fade in my rear-view mirror. All I did was pack up the trailer and bring it with me. Our marriage was never hostile, there was never any screaming or verbal abuse. When together I think we seemed normal than most. My wife’s first affair was a shock, but it seemed to balance the check book so to say for me. In 2001 I found myself in another affair with a co-worker. Proverbs 26:11 Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. In 2004, I was chasing my football dream and working in a gym as a personal trainer. I can tell you, the gym was the last place I needed to be working. Knowing that I was on the verge of destroying my life and my families with my behavior, I quit out of the blue and started my own business. Doing this allowed me to control my environment and create boundaries for myself, and hopefully change the path I was on. I was thinking I turned a corner in my life, but the thoughts of my past played like broken record in my head. The devil had a hold on me and was constantly reminding me of the destruction I left behind. That I had not and could not change. Chained to my regrets I chased Jack Daniels daily, occupied my down time with pornography, and had another affair with one of my wife’s co-workers. Our foundation was built on quicksand and it quickly sank beneath our feet.

Baby #2 came four years later and Baby #3 six years after that. On a business trip in 2008, I went out to a bar with a group of business associates. That night I was raped by a business associate from another region that I had met earlier that day. Upon return home, I kept my secret. I struggled with the guilt and shame of the rape. I felt it was my fault. It would have never happened had I stayed in that evening. I kept my secret and my daily alcohol consumption increased. I began reconnecting with old high school crushes on FB. This opened the door to my seeking attention, acceptance and validation from other men and another affair. After Billy discovered the affair, we sought counseling for a short while and decided to relocate to Dallas for a fresh start. However, I secretly continued searching for fulfillment outside of our marriage. We sought counseling again for a couple of months and I confessed everything. The rape, and sexual sin. We still didn’t have a support system and continued through life clinging to each other for salvation.
In 2016, I was sexually assaulted by a coworker. The cycle of my sexual sin started all over again. I began to drink heavily, 2 - 3 bottles of wine a day, and taking high doses of anxiety medications to avoid acknowledging my sin. Billy discovered a secret email account on my phone, and I knew it was over. In that moment I saw my future as an alcoholic, drug addicted divorcee that would be alone for the rest of my life. Over the course of the next week, I confessed everything and told Billy that I was going to check out a Biblical 12-step recovery program called re:generation at Watermark church.

In hopes of repairing what was left of our marriage, I sold my business and we moved to Dallas. I guess I was thinking that these problems couldn’t possibly follow us 500 miles away.
In October of 2016, I would catch my wife in another affair. Lost and devastated with this news and for the first time in our marriage, I was done. Not just with our marriage but with life. I just couldn’t see any way back from any of this. I did rise to the occasion and admit my affairs from 2001 and with my wife’s co-worker with the intention to inflict some of the same pain I was feeling. Nothing left, I put all my cards on the table, I knew we were done. Wandering around lost, confused, and broken, I came to Watermark’s 12-step Biblical recovery program called re:generation on a Monday night to just monitor my wife. Listening to the testimony, the guy on stage was me, talking to me, about me but he was filled with joy, his story sounded so beautiful. I was thinking, I want that so badly! A couple of weeks later we found re:engage. I remember the first night listening to the Wingfield’s testimony, I couldn’t relate to anything they were saying. Frustrated and thinking I might be in the wrong place, we moved down front and heard a brief testimony from the Cox’s. I instantly found some of that hope I mentioned earlier, hearing their story. Quickly placed in the Wingfield’s group, I had serious doubts about how we would be accepted but I found family within our closed group, something I never had growing up. Hearing our story, they didn’t run away. I also found my mentor during this time, who challenged me like a father and continues to do till this day! This circle they talk about you drawing around yourself is where my relationship with the Lord and my bride flourished. I knew I couldn’t fix my spouse and trying only left me tired, hurt and angry. Now focusing on myself, I had been doing that my entire life, a “me-centric” kind of life, this time I just needed to invite the Lord in that circle with me, give him the keys to my life Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. In May 2017 I re-dedicated my life to Jesus and this time I found transformation. I am 28 months sober from alcohol and pornography. Now re|engage was brutal at times, arguments about why I rated my marriage a 0, arguments in the parking lot, nights I didn’t want to come but with every meeting and the turn of every page we slowly started to find our way back. Looking back, now I realize that I didn’t have a marriage problem, drinking problem or pornography problem. I had a Jesus problem. That problem was I chose to do life without HIM in it. I chose all these things over HIM and that was leading me to death and to the death of my marriage.

Through the re/generation program I learned that my identity is in Christ and that I was created to have a personal relationship with Him, and to do His good works. I learned that my sins and addictions don’t define me, and when Satan tries to use them against me, I meditate on Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful towards their iniquities and I will remember their sins no more. And I take comfort in Psalm 103.10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. During this time, we also learned about Watermark’s re/engage program. On that first night, when asked to rate our marriage on a scale of 1 - 10, I think I rated our marriage an 8. I had compartmentalized my sin so much that I was disillusioned that my sin and addiction could be connected to my marriage. Through re/engage God taught me that there is freedom in being known and that God never intended us to go it alone. Today, we communicate better, we seek forgiveness quickly, and when that fear bubbles up from within us, we seek community to pray with us, to ask the hard questions and to encourage us.

I wasn’t honest with my marriage rating of a 0, it was closer to a negative 10. Today it is an 8 and only an 8 because I know we have so much more work to do to heal and bring oneness in our marriage. I cannot depend on myself. I cry out to God to give me the strength to fight sin. I put God first in my life. I read God’s Word. I listen to the Holy Spirit and I rest in God’s love. If you are here tonight, we hope GOD’S story in our marriage gives you hope. There is no mistake why you are here tonight. God doesn’t make mistakes. You are in a safe place. Surrounded by hope. Surrounded by people who are going to love you through this journey called re|engage. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I think what blows my mind is that Christ knew every stupid, foolish thing we would ever do; and He saved us. He called us and blessed us anyway. Thanks for letting us share. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

About 're|engage Testimonies'

This series contains teachings and testimonies of God's transforming power in marriages at re|engage. re|engage is designed specifically to address needs in marriage by helping couples move towards oneness in their marriage through stories of grace, teaching and small groups. Whether your marriage needs to be reignited, or is in need of a complete resurrection, re|engage is a safe place for couples to reconnect. It is a 16-week experience which includes a time of praise and worship, a teaching or a testimony by a couple who has experienced victory in the midst of hard times, and small group time which follows a specified curriculum. We meet every Wednesday night, 6:30-8:15 p.m. in The Loft (7540 LBJ Freeway @ Park Central, Dallas). Childcare is provided and registration is not required.