“My heart goes out to women who feel like they can’t share their experience or even serve the Lord because they’ve had an abortion.” – Jordan Caruso
“I’d always been pro-life and said that abortion was never an option,” said Jordan Caruso. “But when I found out I was pregnant in 2010, I was in a position I didn’t want to be in. It felt like there was no way out.
“I was in a long-term relationship, and my boyfriend was the priority. We drank and partied a lot. Our relationship was not pure, and a couple of times he got violent with me. My mom witnessed his anger once. She didn’t want him around, but I chose to block out the bad and stay with him. “The relationship was in a better place when I found out I was pregnant. Although my former boyfriend wanted to ‘play house’ and raise the baby together, I was certain I didn’t want to go forward with the pregnancy.
“Going to the abortion clinic was so hard. It was in a terrible part of town, and I felt so trashy. They called me back to the exam room, and I heard the heartbeat. I reflected on what I was doing, but fear took over. Life was so dark after I went through with it. I was filled with regret and never talked about it.
“I was under some financial strain after that, and I moved in with my parents. That was a real turning point for me. My mother had become totally consumed with the Lord, and my parents were going to church and studying the Bible together. God had truly changed my mother’s life and my parents’ marriage.
“I wasn’t walking with the Lord at the time, but I started doing a women’s Bible study with a couple of girlfriends. God began changing my playground – the people I hung out with, the music I listened to and the places I went. I finally began cutting ties with my former boyfriend.
“I met so many genuine people when I came to The Porch that I became tired of the old life I’d been leading. God slowly drew me into membership at Watermark, volunteering at The Porch and into community with other women. I grew up knowing the gospel. But this was the first time I was actively trusting Christ with my life and following the Lord.
“When I decided I wanted to be a community group leader, I was asked to share my testimony. I’d never included the word ‘abortion’ in my story, but that day I blurted it out. I felt sick to my stomach.
“I later met with a woman at Watermark who had also been through an abortion. It was great to connect with her and see her heart for the Lord. I had so many questions, and she directed me to Watermark’s abortion outreach ministry called Someone Cares. At first I wondered if I really needed to go. I was following Christ, and I’d talked about the abortion with the Lord. But as I spoke with other believers who had been through an abortion, I met women who knew they were forgiven by God. That’s what made me decide to go through Someone Cares.
“I’m not an angry person, but as I went through Someone Cares, I saw how much anger and bitterness I was really carrying. I worked with the Lord on forgiving and letting go of the resentment. I actually began thinking about my child’s birthday, a name and other things that helped me see that the abortion wasn’t about an event that happened. It was about a baby.
“That experience made such a difference in my relationship with the Lord. I always felt so broken down because the relationship I was in was so degrading. Knowing that I was washed clean by Christ and forgiven by Him was surreal. Finding my purity in the Lord after experiencing such shame made me feel like I wasn’t defined by my sin. I’m not my past any more. I’m a new creation.
“I was asked to share my story at The Porch, and at the time my mother was the only one in my family who knew about the abortion (telling her took me two years). Fear was holding me back from talking to other women who had the same experience. I decided that I wanted to reach other women with my story, so I started by sharing it with other family members. That was so freeing.
“My heart goes out to women who feel like they can’t share their experience or even serve the Lord because they’ve had an abortion. I felt like I would carry this pain forever, but now I’m on the other side and know I’m forgiven. I’m not just a fan of God’s, I’m actively following Him. I handed over the sin of my abortion to Him, and the Lord washed me clean.”
Someone Cares reaches out to women hurt by past abortions. Our goal is to see you fully restored, and for you to know that through Christ you are forgiven and fully accepted by God. Group facilitators are women who have experienced the painful aftermath of abortion. For information about our next session in mid-September, contact Tracy Alexander at someonecares@watermark.org.